Question:
My boyfriend and I are a good couple. However, an incident happened at the beginning of our relationship (the day we got together and the day afterwards) that caused the problem in which I am experiencing.
The incident: My boyfriend, Scott, were getting along so then he decided to ask me to be his girlfriend. I eventually said yes. Keeping in mind that my exboyfriend, Andy, and I became really good friends after we broke up. I would continue to tell him everything, and it wasn't after I got with Scott did Andy realized he still likes me. When Andy confessed that to me, I also realized I still had some feelings for him. So I had to tell Scott right away because I felt like he needed to know that fact.
This all happened on the day I got with Scott. I eventually stopped talking to Andy because of Scott's feelings, and I have stopped having those feelings for Andy. Sometimes he'd reminisce and often he'd mention how he thinks he's different from most guys because most guys wouldn't have waited for me.
(Please excuse my actions, I previously told myself I'd never do this but I was caught in this situation, and my feelings were unable to be controlled, but I know it's wrong)
The problem now is that my boyfriend, Scott, will never forget that day, and it makes him feel bad. Every month he will be reminded of it because it's the day in which we got together. I could only watch him suffer and say I'm sorry because I can't go back in time and change all that. At the same time it hurts me too knowing that I am the source of that pain.
Also, Scott can't seem to believe me when I say things like how important he is for me and how I care for him. I don't think he trusts me either, thinking that I'll like another guy again. I can't blame him ...
He continues to always being there for me and doing all these things for me that I almost feel indebted to him ...
Is there anything I can do to gain more trust or to make him feel better about the situation? Is it something only time can take care of? Please give me some advice. Thank you ~
Answer:
k hm, you know you're only human, and if he was in your position he wouldnt have done anything better; because when you have feelings for someone, your decisions toward that person will be different.
well anyway, enough of that.
first, you have to make sure you have no more feelings for andy before doing anything. if you say anything serious to scott while you still have feelings for andy, its a false commitment. and thats the worst thing you can do right now, since you've already broken andy's heart. that last thing you would want to do is lie to scott.
k now, lets just say you have no more feelings for andy, and you're really ready to commit to scott.
you have to tell him, what you said ..
thinking that I'll like another guy again. I can't blame him ...
not ONLY that, but perhaps things that you want him to understand more.
things like :
' i'm only human .. i make mistakes, just forgive me this once and i won't make the same mistake again. i'm really ready to commit to this relationship, cause i feel its worth it. no one will come inbetween us again. '
sounds pretty serious, if you ask me. thats why you should always be sure before saying things like that. good luck.
Answer:
^^ thank you for your advice. Yes I don't have any more feelings for Andy and I am ready and have been committed to Scott for some time now. I do apologize to him and tell him things but I think he's the type to hold a grudge or not forget easily that's why it's hard. but what you say makes sense to me, Thank you =]
Answer:
You've apologized enough. Stop apologizing. Constantly apologizing and trying to reassure Scott is only making the situation worse by serving as constant reminder of what happened. Stop bringing it up, talking about it, and apologizing so you can both forget about it and move on. I think the best you can do is just to show him over time that he's the only one for you and get him to instill his full trust in you again.
Answer:
You already stopped talking to your ex. He needs to stop being a damn baby. He's just trying to use you and make you feel guilty.
