Question:
(IMG:style_emoticons/default/tears.gif) Ok
So i just join this forum and i have some problems and i cant solve it. (please dont worry about my english, i have bad gramma)
My boyfriend and i've been going out for nearly 6 months now and i am 19, he is 18. I think this is too early to get married but our parent already said we can get engage at the end of this year 2007. However my boyfriend and his parent want us to get married right now and there wont be any wedding ceremony. We just have to go for the Marriage Certificate and we have to keep this secret from my parent and relatives.Then we can have a wedding ceremony and party after we graduate from TAFE.
My boyfriend is an oversea student, but im a citizen in this country. We are now living together. We had alot of arguements lately, and the arguements were all about this whole marriage thing! I feel so bad about this and i really dont like to upset my boyfriend and myself for this matter.
I know that my parent dont agree us to get married Now, but his parent want us to do so. His parent said to me if my bf and I get married then they will support us for whatever we need. At the end of this year , we are just getting engage and let my parent know this. wW are still stuying at TAFE and we just working partime for money. We dont have a stable financial income. That is why i am worry so much about this.We might get sick of each other and change our mind and we might want to get a divorce. I dont want to have a second marriage in my life. That is just painful you know?
My bf told me if we get married he will take care of me and he willing to give up his freedom to build a family with me. We are not planing to have children now, but maybe after i turn 26. He wants to take care of me and i want the same thing like he does.
Should we get married? THis marriage is like a Big Risk for me. But I know that I am thinking about this because i really love my boyfriend and the same with him. We have been through alot of things. My family didnt excepted him at first and my mom did not very nice thing to him and talk not very nice to him. Anyway, my point is that we know that our love is mature enough to consider this. The problem is that i dont want to upset my parent and i dont want to risk into anything that iam not so sure about.
LOVE AINT easy.....
Thanks for reading, please give honest advice
Person under 18 can read this but dont bother the advice thing. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif)
Answer:
Why do I have the feeling that he or his family wants to marry you so he can obtain his citizen ship?
Any way, the answer is pretty clear: you are not ready for marriage. Do not cave in just because they want you to. The hell with them if they get mad. It's your life, live it the way you want to.
Marriage IS a big step in a life and you should only go for it if you feel that's what you want and are ready for it.
Answer:
whats the plus side to getting married now? you guys are already living together right? and if u marry now all you'll get is a marriage certificate which pretty much means you guys will be paying more taxes and thats pretty much it (er assuming that ur in the u.s. not sure how it goes for other countries)?
from reading what you wrote it doesnt seem like you want to get married? u dont exactly say it outright anyways...and you mention all the cons of getting married now but like i said, none of the pros
We might get sick of each other and change our mind and we might want to get a divorce
we know that our love is mature enough to consider this
that sounds kinda contradictory~you're worried that you guys might get sick of each other but you think your love is mature enough to consider marriage?
my advice from what u just told me: dont get married yet...wait it out...u have legitmate reasons for waiting and he should understand(but if Tr710 is correct then i suggest u rethink the whole relationship...)
Answer:
Um..why are his parents pushing for marriage? I don't see anything wrong with waiting until after graduation because you guys are still pretty young and like you said, your financial state isn't very stable. Do you really want to rely on your in-laws? Are you from the U.S. by any chance?
Answer:
For some reason I thing your parents are cashing in from this marriage.
Your from Australia right?
Answer:
I'd say no! It's too soon and like you've stated above, you are still studying at TAFE and you're not financially stabled and neither is your bf!
My boyfriend is an oversea student, but im a citizen in this country.
So if he's not a permanent resident and he therefore needs to keep paying for a visa to stay in your country, thats probably the reason why him and his parents want you both to get married because you're a permanent resident in your country.
Think about it, but I'd honestly say... life is full of opportunities, and you're not restricted to just taking one path, which in this case is marriage! Graduate tafe, maybe get into UNI, finish that degree/course and get a stable job... and if you're still with your bf, and you feel like settling down and getting married, then be my guest and get married. =) Just not now because you're still young.
Answer:
Why do I have the feeling that he or his family wants to marry you so he can obtain his citizen ship?
i got the same impression.
marriage is a big thing; you can't wake up one day and decide to be unmarried.
think it over. marriage is for life (unless you want to divorce sometime in the future (IMG:style_emoticons/default/huh.gif) )
Answer:
yeah, it seems the parents want you to marry him ASAP so that he can be a citizen. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ph34r.gif)
if you dont feel it's a right thing to do, don't do it.
you seem you're not ready at all.
dont get married just by signing a certificate
dont you have a dream wedding, like wearing a nice dress, ceremony at a church, etc? (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)
Answer:
I really don't get how being under 18 have anything to do with this. Lol. I'm almost 18. =]
Are you sure you really want to or even ready to get marry? Sounds like you're doubting yourself. Marriage is a sacred and it's a huge commitment. Just like you said so yourself. 6 months isn't nearly enough time to get to know someone that well to make such a decision like that, but that's just my opinion. There's a lot more situations you haven't been through yet. Trust me, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and a couple months ago, my parents kinda forced us to get engaged (viet tradition of some sort. iono). But I said no. It's nice to know he said he's willing to do all of that, but it takes more than just promises. If you really love each other, than there should be no rush into marriage.
As for your parents, of course they're going to get upset because you're too young for it. If you're actually gonna go through with it though, they have to get over it.
Answer:
I know he love me and he wants to stay here just for me. I know maybe this is one of the reason but i think he is serious about marrying me.
His parent only want to help us, we need to be financially support becoz we are not fulltime workers.
The problem is here:
My mom doesnt like him to be with me, she have done alot of things to break us apart. We dont want that to happen over and over again.
His parent is supportive so why dont I take it in a positive way?
I trust my bf and I think i have to in this situation. Because no matter what we are living together. You cant live with someone in peace if you dont Trust that person.
Answer:
Marriage is way big of a step.. If hes after PR, i think its possible to get it if you finish your studies and are dating (since your a local citizen), but i guess that can be different in other countries. Don't get married if it is a burden at this time.. Try to work things out so you can marry later.. If your worried about changing your mind, then theres no real point in taking it to another level so soon.
Answer:
yeah, it seems the parents want you to marry him ASAP so that he can be a citizen. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ph34r.gif)
if you dont feel it's a right thing to do, don't do it.
you seem you're not ready at all.
dont get married just by signing a certificate
dont you have a dream wedding, like wearing a nice dress, ceremony at a church, etc? (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)
I have to agree with them. The little red siren went off in my head. DANGER DANGER DANGER.
Be careful... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sad.gif)
Answer:
Why do I have the feeling that he or his family wants to marry you so he can obtain his citizen ship?
yup
DONT get married right now. you may think you are ready and mature enough for love but trust me you will still continue to grow and mature even when you are 30. im 22 right now and i thought i was a true adult at 18/19 but looking back now i laugh at myself and everyday i feel that i continue maturing some. and you are 18/19 what about your freedom. dont get married b/c it doesnt even sound like a sincere marriage to me just a scam to get your bf his citizenship. marriage is the biggest decision you will make in life, it would hurt you greatly to make a mistake but it wont cost a thing to wait a little while longer and make a good decision. and besides, it really sounds like his parents are just USING you and if his parents are using you, you dont know what his real intentions are (i know you probably think im wrong and that he sincerely loves you and he probably does but his parents dont, they love your passport).
DONT GET MARRIED
Answer:
Why does his parents want to rush you guys? Is it because they want him to get a citizenship in your country?
reasons why you shouldn't get married:
-you're too young
-he's too young
-you still haven't finish your education
-you are financial unstable
-just talking about marriage is making you two argue, imagine when you are married?!
-he's not a citizen meaning he'll leave once his visa expires
-immigration will take a while so there will be a time that you won't be able to see him and a chance for him to meet
other people
My advise, think for yourself. Leave your parents and his parents out of this for a moment and ask yourself what you want to do. Yes it's selfish but you don't want to end up blamming them for you miserable life latter on do you?
Answer:
the statement about the over sea student and your citizenship was a dead give away.
I mean i'm with your parents, though i'm only 17 (18 in June), you shouldn't settle down with this guy so fast.. I'm pretty sure it's only for the visa. You don't sound ready yourself. so don't give into the pressure, if he doesn't want to wait then you know..he's only proposing because he wants the visa and not because he loves you. So just don't go with it.. if your not ready, OR even if you do love him, just don't marry him so soon.. your still young and imo 18-24.. is kinda young to get engaged.
Answer:
I know he love me and he wants to stay here just for me. I know maybe this is one of the reason but i think he is serious about marrying me.
His parent only want to help us, we need to be financially support becoz we are not fulltime workers.
The problem is here:
My mom doesnt like him to be with me, she have done alot of things to break us apart. We dont want that to happen over and over again.
His parent is supportive so why dont I take it in a positive way?
I trust my bf and I think i have to in this situation. Because no matter what we are living together. You cant live with someone in peace if you dont Trust that person.
Well why not start by gaining her support? Do you really think that you getting marry is gonna make her like him? No, seriously, do you? Hold it off for a while. You can do that right? Of course, you do love each other. During that time, think of ways to bring the family together. It's going to be hard though. But let your parents get used to the idea their baby girl is growing up and they can't do anything to control her life anymore. Get it?
Answer:
whoa, your parents and his parents need to slow down. this isnt the same as it was back then for them. marrying at a young age was quite common back then. from what you said, i agree with others that you are not ready for marriage. marriages that result from less than a year usually result in a divorce (either that or i have been watching too much divorce court). let's face it, you guys dont have a stable income and like someone said, his parents might just want for him to be a permanent citizen. he has a future as well as you do. for him to throw it all away, he will regret that sooner or later. its at that time for him to explore, and for you to explore as well. when you guys do consider marriage, it should be when you guys are ready, not when your parents are practically shoving the whole marriage deal down your throat. i know the whole financial support sounds good and all, but exclude the offers that your parents and his parents have put out on the table, is it really what you want? also, i suggest counseling before you guys get serious about marriage.
Answer:
yeah, it seems the parents want you to marry him ASAP so that he can be a citizen. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ph34r.gif)
if you dont feel it's a right thing to do, don't do it.
you seem you're not ready at all.
dont get married just by signing a certificate
dont you have a dream wedding, like wearing a nice dress, ceremony at a church, etc? (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)
=/ agree o_o (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ph34r.gif) sounds scary o_o
Answer:
I don't see how age has to do with this, but this is my honest opinion.
You are DEFINITELY not ready for marraige. You're almost setting yourself on a definite path for divorce.
No matter how much you love him, you need to make sure that you like his parents as well, and vice versa. Not only that, your parents need to like your boyfriend and his parents. WHY? Your whole family integrity will fall to pieces if you do that. You're sneaking behind your parents back to get this certificate, and if your parents find out, you are definitely not going to have the best relationship with them after.
Both sides, everybody, needs to act like a family before you get married. Both sides need to love each other and make sure that they will support each other no matter what.
You're 18 years old. You have so much more time to get yourself settled in. I recommend considering marraige AFTER 3 YEARS. Its because you're 'love blind' right now. The love hormones don't go away until after 3 years, and right now, you can't judge his faults. He can't either. I suggest waiting and find someone you can last a lifetime with. Don't consider now. Take all of our advice into thought because we're judging in a non-biased, but reasonable way. As you can see, the general consensus is NO.
Please please please consider this. I can't judge your boyfriend, but you have so much more time to find the perfect one your can spend your life with. I know enough that if the WHOLE FAMILY on BOTH SIDES aren't going to cooperate with each other, then it won't work out well.
I think your parents are much wiser, but I would think they would have recommended trying to go out with him longer. 6 months IS NOT ENOUGH.
How are you going to support yourself? You KNOW you're unstable and yet you still want to marry, something that is not going to happen, even with your boyfriend's family's help.
You cant live with someone in peace if you dont Trust that person.
Yet you say you are fighting with him over the marraige? You are contradicting yourself and lying to yourself so you can convince yourself you want to marry.
PLEASE. I want to prevent anything bad from happening before it happens. Please take my advice into thought.
DON'T GET MARRIED.
Answer:
Why do I have the feeling that he or his family wants to marry you so he can obtain his citizen ship?
Any way, the answer is pretty clear: you are not ready for marriage. Do not cave in just because they want you to. The hell with them if they get mad. It's your life, live it the way you want to.
Marriage IS a big step in a life and you should only go for it if you feel that's what you want and are ready for it.
Um..why are his parents pushing for marriage? I don't see anything wrong with waiting until after graduation because you guys are still pretty young and like you said, your financial state isn't very stable. Do you really want to rely on your in-laws? Are you from the U.S. by any chance?
Well, His parent said because we are living together, and in our culture you must be married to live together. They are old-fashioned i know! (we are Viet)
If we are not married they suggest us not to live together. They think we will just work so hard and wont pay attention to our study, we might fail and be dumb for the rest of our life.
