Question:
for the past few years I've felt that I can't really get along with my mother. our personalites just CLASH HORRIBLY. I'm not perfect but I am a pretty good kid. Problem is, she is trying to change me because she doesn't like my personality traits. My mama's boy of a brother also sides with her all the time and they gang up on me. We both do equally well in school, do the same chores, spend the same amount of time with her, etc but the difference is, he's a lot more sensitive, docile, and soft spoken. I'm more outspoken and seem distant/cold at times even when I don't mean to. I guess my mom likes his personality more since he's easily controlled and suppressable? lol that's what I think anyway.
I don't know what to do. I try very hard to bite my tongue and do exactly what she says..but I think she sees right through me and knows that I'm only doing it so I don't have to hear her yell...it doesn't matter to her..she wants me to truely CHANGE..not just do things so she won't yell at me..but i CANT CHANGE the way she wants me to..the most I can do is just pretend. why isn't that enough?? at least I'm willing to try. Is it possible that I truely just don't fit in with my own family? =T
Answer:
I suggest if you're not yet an adult then listen and obey your mom until she doesn't have to keep taking care of you like a kid.
You have one mom, treat her as well as possible until she dies. One day when she's gone, you'll be thinking about all the things you could've done better for her.
kthxbye
Answer:
my mom wishes for the same thing but i don't do it. i just try and show my better side and not fake who i am. i try not give her my bad side. so if you ever get close to a fight, refrain yourself. it's not easy to change who you are, i know.
Answer:
Draw your boundaries. Your mom needs to realize that when one becomes an adult, he/she has his/her own set of responsibilities. You can't conform your character to an image that someone has already pre-defined. Essentially, it doesn't make you into you.
If she doesn't understand this, than in a subtle fashion, tell her. Avoid antagonizing her and provoking her... sooner or later, she will accept you for who you are.
It takes time.
My parents hated me for not being their good little boy until I turned 17. I graduated high school, got the hell out of California, and became financially/mentally independent. I think they both saw that and really respected me.
Answer:
I'm in a similar situation except my brothers are loud and outspoken. My mom has this old way of thinking on how a proper wife should act. Since I don't carry any wife-like-qualities, I'm a failure in her eyes. But that's just the jiff of it....
I say forget it. Let her be unsatisfy. Live your life and be who you are. If she refuses to accept you, forget it. Changing how you're mom think is useless. Maybe, as you progress in your life, she'll might gradually see that you are a good person and accept you.
Answer:
i dont think that this kind of hardship should lead you to believe that you dont fit in the family. if anything, families are diverse, and what makes a family beautiful is that despite the differences, the family still stays together, eats at the same table, and when worse comes to worst, the family somehow finds a way out together.
you want your mom to accept you and act more like a loving mom towards you. in the same way your mom wants you to accept her desires for you and act like the loving daughter that she wants. you two should sit down and figure it out together.
on that note, just because you hold in your anger or frustration doesn't fix the problem or make things better. if anything, it comes off as not only do i disagree and refuse to see it from your perspective, but i'd rather not deal with arguing about it and listening further to your side of the story. you might not mean this, but it can certainly seem like that. at the very least, follow through on why you think your mom is wrong in a calm manner, and when hearing her side, take some time to put yourself in her shoes. usually, there's at least one good point that she makes that you might think is unimportant, and see if you can play a little bit of devil's advocate. in doing so, you might be able to see something that you didnt.
best wishes
Answer:
I'm kinda in the same situation because I never talk to my parents. Ever.
Except I'm an only child.
The only time we talk is when we argue.
The only noise that's in our house is the tv and that's about it.
I agree with hanpil.
Just hang around and go with their flow until you can get outta there
and life by yourself. If not, everything's just going to be harder than it already is.
Answer:
enjoy the teen rebellion years, WHOO
Answer:
I clash with my new inlaws a lot!!! when i say a lot, i mean A LOT!!! i'm an outsider, and it's been really hard.........
i;m the one tha tneeds advice with that so i won't be able to give u any on that.
i rebelled for all of my teenage years up til 18...
it's not worth it. i did horrible things tha ti regret.
Answer:
it's good that you are outspoken but arguing everytime just because your personality clash isnt a good thing to do. =/ speak your opinion and dont lie about things just to please your mother, but also dont shout everything that you think. say that she says something, and you oppose it, but dont say anything unless she asks. obey her and listen to her, and eventually you'll understand her even though you still oppose her.
you dont need to change who you are, but rather just tone it down a bit. i hope the situation betters itself =/
Answer:
My brother is exactly like yours...
I'm exactly like you...
My mommy's always trying to change me...
My mommy actually told me that she liked my brother better...
I purposely say that I have Student Council or Orchestra or Tennis afterschool because I feel so uncomfortable with my family...
I think friend are my better refuge...
I hope you feel better...
because I know how you feel... but I'm sure there are millions of others like us...
Hwaiting~~
Answer:
^^ my younger sister is like that. she is like the black sheep.
she doesnt care what people say or do... she dont care at all.
and i guess i can understand you because maybe im like your brother in this situation.
my younger sister... i cant even started to complain.... she doesnt have any patience to understand.
she doesnt even have any feelings in her to give up on a stupid argument, she doesnt even care if she doesnt help out around the house.
she doesnt care about her grades because she has planned to go to a community college. she use to be a 4.1 GPA student. now a 1.8 GPA.
i know she is going to regret it in the future but she doesnt care to think about the future.. and honestly, when it's late, it's late.
anyways.
i use to be like that.
i never got along well with my mom.
but then i thought about it... i dont want to be 40 years old and wonder why my relationship w/ my mom didnt work out.
i didnt change for her. but i restrained a lot of what i felt. i get angry easily at her but now i dont.
i came to understand that what she wants for me is the best, even though its in her terms.
but i believe this:
TO FIND HAPPINESS, ONE MUST UNDERSTAND HOW AND WHY THEIR PARENTS RAISED THEM.
THEY MUST COME TO ACCEPT IT AND MOVE ON TO FIND HAPPINESS.
something like that... i cant find the exact quote but i believe it.
once i understood my parents' point of view... i become more happier.. honest.
Answer:
Lol, I refused to give in all through out life at home and eventually my parents gave up on trying to change me after 17+ years of trying.
So if you really want to just stick in there, and you'll get through it you seem to have the same general personality as I do, so you'll make it. Just keep on doing what you are doing, but never out right rebel because that will just make things worse.
Rangerboi
Answer:
im kinda like you are when i was your age.. i can't stand being in the same room with my mom, luckily for me she went to work in italy and left us with my dad, and she was home only for like once year...
my dad use to tell me iam the exact carbon copy of my mom when she was young, thats probably why we dont get along, now that im older i get along great with my mom and i kinda understand that what she did back then was what she thought was good for me...
i still can't stay in the same house for more than two weeks though... hehehehhe
your situation will get better...
Answer:
We're in the same situation except i have 4 sister, 1 younger brother and 1 little sister but i'm defenitely like you. My relationship with mum are really horrible and my younger brother is exactly like yours except he's freaking lazy,sloopy but he's very good in his studies and momma's boy.
Maybe you should focus with your relationship with your father, maybe he can help you.
Answer:
Mothers expect a lot from their kids. That puts a lot of pressure on you especially if you dont do what they want you to do.
Answer:
I gree with hanpil. I regretted treating my mom so badly for the past couple years, but now I really appreciate her. Mothers are someone who defends and takes care of us when we are too young to fend for ourselves. No matter how bad they treat us they only want the best for us.
Let's say... you get a puppy. You raise it since it was little and you love it very much, right? But it disobeys you, such as peeing on the carpet, eating your flowers, breaking furniture. If you don't want to spoil it, you have to discipline it. It hurts to punish your puppy but you must do it or your puppy will be a spoiled brat that nobody likes. Sometimes of course parents can get overprotective, but they love you that much. Eventulaly your parents will learn to let you go, and by the time that happens, sometimes you wish they will hold on to you forever.
