Question:
hi guys. :] well, i have a question and im hoping to get your opinions. you see, my mom is really strict about dating right now. she says when im 16 then i can date and since she was born in china and lived there for a long long time, inside her, she still goes by chinese traditions. basically, shes not americanized like i am about dating and other stuff. my opinions are mostly influenced by my friends and i just wish she would understand..but she doesn't.
so, right now, i have a bf. we've been together for four months and i really like him and he likes me back as well. and sometimes, its just really hard to keep things from my mom. and i wanna talk to her, but shes very stubborn. trust me, ive tried before by askin her if it was okay i could keep a bf if my grades didnt drop. well, she said. NO, because she thinks i can't do that. she just doesnt trust me.. she seriously thinks ill have sex with every guy i know or something and i dont know what i did to give her this opinion of me?
and my question is....should i break up with my bf or continue to hide things from my mom?
sometimes, i really love him and i feel the same way back.. but then sometimes, i feel like im nothing to him, that im just there to make him happy and im just some burden sometimes... for valentines day he didnt even get me anything because he was broke.and the thing that fustrates me the most is when he doesnt talk. by nature, he is the quiet type. whenever we talk on the phone, he usually doesnt talk and its usually just me going on about random stuff.
he really makes my day if even i just get to see him for 15 mins, he can bring me this bubbly feeling inside where i feel like nothing matters anymore but the big gap between us is my mom. my mom doesnt let me go out a lot because she thinks all my life should revolve around school and such.
ive talked to him about my mom, and he says its not a big deal as long as he has me which made me unbelievbly happy. but then. i really dont wanna do this to him. im sure he would rather have another gf who is better than me and who can hang out with him more. i even gave him the option to break up with me if he wanted
now, my mom. sometimes she just really pisses me off. everyday its how im not good enough, how im not gonna go to a good college because i got one b this year, how im so fat, how i look like a pig, she calls me a slut, dissappointment and stuff like that and even though i try not to show it on the outside, inside, everytime she says that, my feelings are hurt. she gets me depressed a lot and she often threatens me to move with my dad in texas...
idk what to do. should i just end a relationship and just listen to my mom like a good little girl or continue one and face all the hardships (lying my way to go somewhere with him sometimes)
i wish she would understand..but i know its not gonna happen
Answer:
wow...your mom is really strict.....what kind of bf stays quiet and doesnt get you anything on valentines day even when he's broke? [ lol from my expeerienced i've never had one (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sweatingbullets.gif) ] hmm the best way is to tell your mom...usually moms are the ones who says yes, you can have a bf but if he makes you do bad things or your grades drop or say dont smoke also go to school dont be a highschool dropout --appearently thats my mom my dad is strict ,cause my younger sis [ yes pretty than me] she had a bf and when he came over my dad gave him a serious face like he was goona kill the kid anf so on but when i tell me parents that they laugh at me even when i was playing around (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif) okay back to subject...just try to convince your mom he's a great guy, well basically what does your mom want to see from a guy...and hiding things from parents will make the situation worst well maybe not that bad...but its not good to hide things from others eventually they'll find out
Answer:
^ yeah. my mom finds a lot of stuff out, but ive tried to tell her. its just there ABSOLUTELY NO BOYFRIEND right now. no matter how good he is. and plus, my bf right now isn't what you call the smartest and best bf in terms of school and other stuff. hes 16, still drinks, not as much though, he use to smoke, he parties, he doesn't care about school. i mean, i could probably lie to my mom and tell her how much of a great guy he is although he doesnt meet her standards, but its just that. shes def gonna say NO, so why bother..
Answer:
I'm assuming you're not sixteen yet. If you can get away w/hiding, go ahead!
But if you feel guilty hiding it from your parents, you should first let your bf know your situation & hope he understands, or tell your parents you're going to date.
Answer:
oh...sorry if my advice is the worst ehhe (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sweatingbullets.gif)
Answer:
for me it's always been Family over friends/boyfriends...in my opinion i think it would be best to be obedient to your mom even if she is unfair...if you and your boyfriend are meant to be together then you will be together...maybe just not now...and it seems like ur bf kinda understands?
and you're still young! sometimes i dont get why people in highschool act like theyre going to get married the next day XD look forward to college and be patient ^.^ in college you'll have tons of freedom and it'll get a lot easier...
and i think you hinted that your mom is a single mom? you know i have friends like you~and all their moms are overbearing, unfair, harsh, overprotective, and unreasonable...but being a single mom must be so hard! and i notice that their moms are like that because they act out of fear...they fear losing their daughter...and their worse fear is that they lost their daughter to guy...and yes sometimes they seem a bit crazy and it gets hard but they're like that because they love their daughters~its really hard for my friends too~cuz they all have some sort of boyfriend that their moms dont like...but their boyfriends are understanding and are more than willing to be patient until the moms learn that not all men are bad and that they can trust their daughter...one of my friends...shes getting married soon! (oh she's like way past college now~and what u have is nothing compared to her...her problem lasted for YEARS and there was a lot of drama...but the boyfriend waited patiently and tried his best to prove to his mom that he was good for my friend ^.^) so know that there are happy endings (or i like to say...happy beginnings)
oh and be careful! if she finds out that you have a boyfriend behind her back its going to get worse...but i think if you show that you're obedient and that you're trustworthy and hopefully (eventually?) she'll realize that and things will get better
Answer:
you = tell her straight up how you feel my dad is really strict o_O
ug but then my mom is lenient so i don't know how to help =o i've kept mine a secret for a pretty long time ( plannign to keep it for another 2 years)
it was alot nicer once i started to go to comm college instead of hs because then my school hours were not definite and were according to what i told them so that gave me time to hang out with my bf
Answer:
i would really love to tell my mom, but i'm too scared. yesterday we got in a big fight because i came home around 8 (left at 1 in the afternoon) and she found out i was with my bf, although she doesnt know he is my bf. she just knows i like him and he does too. but she literally freaked out and went psycho on me...yesterday she beat me the hardest as far as i can remember. the beatin went from slappin, hair pulling, kickin me while im on the floor with her feet. but you know, ive gotten use to this because i didnt cry one bit when she did to me. she kept on callin me a slut sayin i always get guys and stuff like that. idk, she said it in chinese and im not really sure how to translate it. I REALLY WANT TO TELL HER, but i already know what shes going to say..
Answer:
i would really love to tell my mom, but i'm too scared. yesterday we got in a big fight because i came home around 8 (left at 1 in the afternoon) and she found out i was with my bf, although she doesnt know he is my bf. she just knows i like him and he does too. but she literally freaked out and went psycho on me...yesterday she beat me the hardest as far as i can remember. the beatin went from slappin, hair pulling, kickin me while im on the floor with her feet. but you know, ive gotten use to this because i didnt cry one bit when she did to me. she kept on callin me a slut sayin i always get guys and stuff like that. idk, she said it in chinese and im not really sure how to translate it. I REALLY WANT TO TELL HER, but i already know what shes going to say..
then chill it =o
its not worth being treated like that over a guy =o o_o
you can keep it secret then
Answer:
so you think i should keep on hiding it? i mean. thats what im tryin to do. gaah, if only i could drive. i guess it is worth it. i mean, i would take all that beatin if i could be with him for just an hour.
Answer:
awww. heather =[
if you really want to be with him. then you should stay with him. sometimes you gotta break some rules. my moms really strict too. she doesnt want me to date either. so i understand. but your mom is just worried about you, ya know? she probably thinks if you get too attached to your bf, your grades are gonna drop, and if you guys break up, you might fall apart. but if you know, that wont happen, then wait it out. dont think your not good enough for zach either. keep your chin up (: come talk to me if you want. i love you. fafiettes forever.
Answer:
I can really relate to you. My dad is a lot like your mom, but the difference is I'm a college freshman...I'm way past 16, yet I'm still being nagged on for having a bf. My dad made me promise not to have a boyfriend until after college. That's way more ridiculous than your age 16 rule. But I agreed to that promise years and years ago, when having a boyfriend was last on my list of priorities and I didn't think much of it. I found my boyfriend this first semester of college, and i didn't even mean to. We just really clicked and soon we were in love and absolutely hated being apart from each other. In the beginning, neither of my parents knew. After our first date (which I didn't tell them about), we just wanted to hang out more and more over the weekends, and soon my parents became suspicious of who this guy was. I think soon enough my dad figured out that he was now my boyfriend and not just a friend, and he totally freaked out. We got in a gazillion of fights over this matter, and every single time I defended him. That's kind of how I knew I really was into him, because I defended him like no other from my dad's harsh words. Now it has cooled down a bit and I think both my parents are even beginning to accept the fact that I have a boyfriend, and they're starting to accept him as an individual. It was not an easy road though, so my point is if you really like him then he might be worth to defend against your mom. Also, you really want to keep things on the down low until she is willing to accept that you have a boyfriend, like don't be getting home too late to the point that she'll get suspicious and that kind of thing..
Answer:
as a warning, if your mom is this strict already, i think you should try to please her more right now. if she found out that you were lying to her, it'll be even harder for her to trust you later on. i'm sure she's just too worried about you.
i know i would choose love though. just try to keep it as secretive as possible and keep up to your mom's expectations... ehh.. that'll be hard, but yea..
Answer:
so you think i should keep on hiding it? i mean. thats what im tryin to do. gaah, if only i could drive. i guess it is worth it. i mean, i would take all that beatin if i could be with him for just an hour.
=/ a beat is not worth it i'm more worried about your health if thats how she treats you than whether or not if shes accepting to your bf or not
Answer:
Don't tell her. It's not worth it. It sounds like she'll never accept it anyway.
My grandmother was the same way when I lived with her and it got really ugly. I say- keep it a secret.
Answer:
ahhh geeez ... at least she said you can when you are 16 ..
I'm 16 and my parents are really ..daskhdkaj strict. We had an argument because some guy (my bf) is pursuing something with me. They don't know he's my bf ..but they are telling him to leave me alone. So i guess you can wait it out i mean 16 is around the corner for you (i assume). It's no too bad.. at least by that time you can say you said 16 and now i am haha ... sorry if i'm not helping much?
Answer:
at least tell your mom... don't lie to her.
tell her and if she's still really strict and won't listen to you, then hide it or whatnot.
but first just tell her .
Answer:
dumpp him. even if he was broke he could have made you something. you should listen to your mom even if you think she's wrong. remembger you have to live with he r for most of your life and you want to make your relationship with your mom worse if she found out? you don't know how long you'll be with him or how long he'll be with you. from the way you are putting this situation about how much of a burden you are. obviously you think you're not good enough for him. its basiclly better to please your mom. you're imp thing should be school and family...bf comes last. lol. you dont want this to become ugly ...once she actually finds out...then she will never ever trust you again...not as much as even before..its how all strict familys are usually...well good luck thats my 2 cents!~!
btw you sure you love him? 4 months already and you say you love him? do you think he love syou the same way or just saying it? guys have too many excuses.
Answer:
your problem is exactly like my sister..but she in college now..my mom is really strict about dating.she will lets my sister and me date when we have a career..wow im gonna be real old then (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) ..she will do anything to help us have a great future..just like ur mom..i guess thats y i keep on rejecting boys cause im scare ill hurt my mom or myself..last week..my sister just ask that there this guy that is interesting in her and he been waiting for her for almost 2 years..but all my mom does is cried..saying that all her hope is lost on us..we become bad kids..her crying hurt us more than her hitting..actually she never hits us..just cried...it seems like your mom love you very much but she doesnt show it in a nicer way..i mean calling you slutt and pulling your hair? if i was in your shoes..i probably cried everyday..if your bf truly loves you..and it seem to me that he does..even though he didnt get you a valentine present..i think he still immature about love..he did ask you out first right? anyway..he should wait for you and understand that you cant hang out alot with him..that you need to be home early..i think you should keep it a secret for now..and when your relationship with your mom cool down..you should tell her what you feel even if its kill you..and if he doesnt want to wait for you..then forget him! you are still young and beautiful (by looking at your picture)..he lucky to have you..there other guys out there..sorry if i didnt help you..by the way..u go whitestation in memphis? cuz i lived near there..
Answer:
i totally understand what you're going through.
i'm in the same position as you are.
i really wish i could tell my parents about it all because i hate having to take the guilt trip every time i see my bf.
but it's just so hard to bring it up to my parents since their reaction is so obvious.
it's like i have to choose between my bf or my parents.
but if were in your shoes (which is slightly different than my issue)..
i'd continue the relationship if it doesn't interfere with your grades.
if your mom does end up finding out later, then you have the right to say something like: well, i've been with this guy for so-and-so months, and my grades still haven't dropped. i want you to trust me now.
and it seems like you're doing well keeping it a secret, so i say just continue with it.
