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Before I say anything, by any chance do you think they want you two broken up because you're in college?
I'll edit this post with an answer.
Answer:
Before I say anything, by any chance do you think they want you two broken up because you're in college?
I'll edit this post with an answer.
For him..it may be like that...but..in my opinion..I think its childish..that's something you go through in highschool, not college. All the Korean parents around here are not like this..as soon as their child hits college..they have their independence..Although there have been some situations..where korean parents were the same as my bf's parents..so their child did the whole not eating thing..and depression..and their parents finally came to realize..that they are not a kid anymore.(that's where we got the idea to do this ..since apparently nothing else seems to work) My bf isn't even allowed to make his own decisions..his parents try to make them for him..and threaten him that they'll do something..if he doesn't do as they say. I don't really think dating should be this hard (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sleep.gif) we don't drink, smoke, party...it just seems like..they are making a big deal out of nothing.
Answer:
It sounds like his parents feel like you may hinder his advancement.
I don't think it has anything to do with you personally, but they may see you as something that jeopardizes or interferes with his chances of success or whatever idea they had for his future [that clearly does not involve you]. The fact that they're so controlling in just about every aspect of his life is most definitely not healthy -- for you, or him.
The best way to deal with this would be to try communication.
Pulling the stunt you have planned may only enrage them and make them hate you. They will find a way to contort the break-up's result into being your fault and may make them never, ever want to see you again for as long as you live. But if you try a diplomatic angle, you may get some more productive results. Remember, you also want an approach that will not only get you a possibly positive outcome, but also help relieve some of the stress your boyfriend has.
Answer:
It sounds like his parents feel like you may hinder his advancement.
I don't think it has anything to do with you personally, but they may see you as something that jeopardizes or interferes with his chances of success or whatever idea they had for his future [that clearly does not involve you]. The fact that they're so controlling in just about every aspect of his life is most definitely not healthy -- for you, or him.
The best way to deal with this would be to try communication.
Pulling the stunt you have planned may only enrage them and make them hate you. They will find a way to contort the break-up's result into being your fault and may make them never, ever want to see you again for as long as you live. But if you try a diplomatic angle, you may get some more productive results. Remember, you also want an approach that will not only get you a possibly positive outcome, but also help relieve some of the stress your boyfriend has.
but the thing is..we have tried everything there is..he even went up to his dad..and told him straight up...and my bf asked him what would i do to make you happy and the answer was to break up with me. Is it better to drink, smoke, and party? or have a gf who you see a future with? bc it's one or the other. Basically, I just don't get..why his parents are making such a big deal about this..like seriously. How he does in school..is based on what he does. if anything..I always tell him to do good in school and keep him in line.
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By your boyfriend going all emo, if they're anything like the majority of traditional asian parents I know, I doubt they'll give in if they are that deadset against your relationship although I do wish the best for both of you.
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I am very sorry, but it is looking like there is nothing you can do.
This is all up to him now. If he wants this, then he will have to push for this personally and continue fighting for it. Involving yourself in the fight may make it more sensitive.
But as for now, I can't think of anything within reasonable boundries that would suffice as a solution. Man, I'm really sorry.
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while the emo thing may work on some parents, it does have a chance of backfiring. as for my friends (and myself) our parents will despise the person who could hurt us enough to make us depressed and lose our appetites and such. so I'm just warning you, his parents may hate you even more for making their son depressed (even if it's just an act but only you and him know that).
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while the emo thing may work on some parents, it does have a chance of backfiring. as for my friends (and myself) our parents will despise the person who could hurt us enough to make us depressed and lose our appetites and such. so I'm just warning you, his parents may hate you even more for making their son depressed (even if it's just an act but only you and him know that).
and..that's why..i made it so..it seemed like I broke up with him..so they can see how much it hurts him..vs..if i was sitll with him..and him doing it..but yeah..i really hope this works out..this has gone on for too long..its retarded
thanks for opinions though (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) ..hopefully i'll get more on this subj
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LOL that plan is like from a Chinese drama
I think his parents will treat him like a little child no matter what
They're just jealous of u
i think the emo thing will work though haha
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I find that many koreans are more traditional than they lead on to be. It is very common to never reveal the purpose of an action in our community.
With that said, I'm gonna take a guess on a couple of reason.
One, like mycel said, they could think that you're taking over their son. Even if he made it clear to his parents it won't matter if they think that you're influencing him. As far they know you could've made your boyfriend say it to them.
Two, He's a Boy. A korean Boy. This ties in with the traditional thing i said up above. Is he the oldest boy in the fam? Is he the first boy in his family? (including the extended family). This can be a MAJOR point in the whole situation here (if it were true).
Three, pedigree. You and your family could possibly not meet up to their famlies level of acceptable pedigree.
Four, they just don't like you.
Ok so...i know the last two were a little harsh and i apologize if i have offended you.
Answer:
I find that many koreans are more traditional than they lead on to be. It is very common to never reveal the purpose of an action in our community.
With that said, I'm gonna take a guess on a couple of reason.
One, like mycel said, they could think that you're taking over their son. Even if he made it clear to his parents it won't matter if they think that you're influencing him. As far they know you could've made your boyfriend say it to them.
Two, He's a Boy. A korean Boy. This ties in with the traditional thing i said up above. Is he the oldest boy in the fam? Is he the first boy in his family? (including the extended family). This can be a MAJOR point in the whole situation here (if it were true).
Three, pedigree. You and your family could possibly not meet up to their famlies level of acceptable pedigree.
Four, they just don't like you.
Ok so...i know the last two were a little harsh and i apologize if i have offended you.
haha, no you didn't.. Um..the whole influencing thing is possible that they think that ..he is the second child..and third my family is very wealthy compared to a lot of koreans who live here..and the 4th thing could be possible too..
but..do you see..how ridiculous this is..to even have to act out being emo??? its stupid!!!! i can't even believe we are wasting our lives doing this. We shouldn't have to do this.
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ok, so its like this...my boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 year and almost 3 months..we are both in college and are Korean. The situation is..that his parents seem to have trouble accepting that I'm his gf..even though I have done nothing wrong. The only reason they are upset..is bc..my bf stated to his parents that he wants independence and to continue to date me. His parents want to go to my parents and try to break us up and whatnot. My parents are not for or against it...sure they give their opinions, but they don't tell me what decisions to make. His parents seem to go that extra mile..just so we don't go out with one another. Frankly, I think this is ridiculous..considering we are both in college..its just stupid..to even have to worry about crap like this at this time and age. So, we have advised a plan where..he pretends that I broke up with him..and he turns emo (not eating, being depressed, etc etc) until his parents finally come to realize that what they are doing is stupid..and they just need to chill the fukkk out. in conclusion, we need advice fromt he people who have actually experienced this and what they did to make their parents realize that they are not a little kid anymore..and people's opinion in general.
i think college is a time to do a lot of learning and growing, and i am not surprised by his parent's being strict about his independance. honestly, college is probably the time when most experimenting is done, and the most mistakes are made. wouldn't you think, then, as a parent that you'd want to make sure that their child doesn't make a mistake that could really cost him his future?
this is not to say that being very strict and burdensome is totally acceptable and that they are right in acting that way. but at the same time, i dont think they're worrying about 'crap like this' especially 'at this time and age.'
you might not think it, but i think college students are still kids. still in search of themselves, and unknowing of a lot of wisdom in life.
also the whole idea about the fake breakup and having your boyfriend go emo is a very childish idea in my opinion. think about it. you're planning to lie, and then act like a crying little baby until you two get what you want. doesn't that sound a bit childish to you? these are tactics you use when you're a kid, dont you agree?
if you want to be treated as adults, act as adults. do well in school and show you're actively achieving each and every accomplishment that will turn your potential into reality. find a part time job, and get financial independance as much as you can. money alone does not make a person an adult, but often times, being able to be sufficient without anyone else's help does reflect upon your adulthood
finally, you cant force a change of heart, and you shouldnt expect to. let's say you went ahead with your emo plan. you think his parents will come around and accept it and bless your relationship? perhaps wait until marriage comes up (if you make it this far) and you have to deal with your bitter in-laws who believe you stole and manipulated their son? you've a tough road ahead of you, and even if there are no guarantees, i dont think you should do anything to make matters worse.
live out a good, strong life together. take the hits as they come, but show them no reason that you two should not be together. if you're lucky, they might regret this whole thing and treat you even better than their own son. if not, then you two keep on walking. help each other when the stress gets to you, and learn what love is really about.
im a firm believer that love is learned through pain and hardship...through sacrifice. and if you can survive this, what a blessing and sweet reward it will be.
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haha, no you didn't.. Um..the whole influencing thing is possible that they think that ..he is the second child..and third my family is very wealthy compared to a lot of koreans who live here..and the 4th thing could be possible too..
but..do you see..how ridiculous this is..to even have to act out being emo??? its stupid!!!! i can't even believe we are wasting our lives doing this. We shouldn't have to do this.
is he the second boy? or the second child? theres a difference.
the reason why i say this is because its very common for korean parents to want the best for their first boy. since its the first son he is the sole person to pass on the family name and honor it. it's a very old way ofthinking but it's still very common in korea!
if this is the case then his parents might think that you're not good enough for him and to help in passing on the name.
i dunno...random thinkings.
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ok first off, i didn't read any of the other replies so if this was already said then my apologies...
1. it's your life and his
2. you're in college (which means you're adults now)
3. i know family is important, but so is love
4. if the relationship is worth it, then ignore everything else
5. bf being a fake emo is gay, life isn't a k drama
6. if you can make it work it'll make your bonds even stronger
7. how will you make it work, effort!
8. if you can't handle the stress than this isn't the right relationship
9. shouldn't you be more worried about your future (like graduating)
10. this last one is from personal observation, i have only seen about 5% of college relationships actually last after college.
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1. it's your life and his
3. i know family is important, but so is love
4. if the relationship is worth it, then ignore everything else
OMG
you need to let go of all these rules about LOVE and RELATIONSHIPS. it's your life and his? family is important but so i love? if the relationship isworth it then ignore everything else? BULLSH*T. you need to wake up from MOVIE-LAND and away from the stigmas of IDEAL SOCIETAL RELATIONSHIPS. if you knew anythign you'd know that a relationship does'nt only consist of the two people. there are two worlds that are fused together in a relationship and unfortunately it's impossible to look at only the two people without huge consequences.
2. you're in college (which means you're adults now)
what are you trying to imply? that as an adult we need to only depend on ourselves? that our parents don't matter? that we should automatically be able to make hard decisions?
i don't think so. it's very dnagerous to put markers on peoples life growth levels and then ask them to follow them.
5. bf being a fake emo is gay, life isn't a k drama
6. if you can make it work it'll make your bonds even stronger
7. how will you make it work, effort!
8. if you can't handle the stress than this isn't the right relationship
kinda funny that you say fake emo is lame and relate it to a korean drama...but half the things you say are the exact outlines of how korean dramas are ran. you should just tell her that if she really loveshim she should get leukimia.
ok..so i know alot of that was pretty harsh but i'm so sick and tired of people fueling their relationships with all these glamorized rules that have absolute no reason to be the basis of a relationship.
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Uhm.....dont go Emo...that's dumb/immature.
Just continue to date eachother.....they can't force ya'll to break up.
Ya'll are adults. Do whatever you want and let them talk.
You only have ONE life to live.....don't live it for your parents. They already had their chance.
-Luna-
