Question:
Hello everyone =) I don't mean to bug people with my worries and complaints, but to those who are willing to be NON-judgmental,
hear me out, and perhaps provide some worthy advice TT;
Ok, so
I was 18 when I got married (I'm a koran-adotped if that makes any difference). I'ts been over a year since i've gotten married and we're still together.
I thought that me and my hubby were destined to be together, because after our forced departure from each other, we managed to find each other again when no one could judge.... when i turned 18. 2 weeks after we found each other again, i moved in with him.
we got engaged arouond2 months later.
got married 2 months after that
Now that i think about it, BOY did that move fast.
Now i'm starting to have many doubts in my head.
I don't feel as if we're compadible anymore,. It's also really hard, because we have different beliefs because we grew \up so different.
boy is the korean culture hard to understand from the american's perspective. that's pplaying a big rold in my doubts....
It seems that all we do is fight, and i'm feeling more and more like just giving up.
I htink hes better for a kroean girl that will take care of him,.
Im too independant. It's hard.....
I might edit this later, but this is all fo rnow,. thanks for reading,.
sorry it;s so long =(
but please HELP!
divorced at 19? scary thought...
i love him i relaly do, but i no longer really think that we belong together.......
-edit-
race/ethnicity does matter. at least in our relationship. he is the BIGGEST MAMA's BOY u wull everrr meet. no lie. so it's hard when i tell him i don't want to go to his parents house EVERY FREAKKEN night, because it's too stressfull on me, because i'm constantly being surrounded by a language i don't know, and things i don't understand. it is REALLY hard.
-edit-
before our forced seperation, we did know each other well. very well. *sigh* i knew that i'd love him the first time that we met.
i'm so lost. and confused.
THANKS U GUYS FOR THE ADVIcE KEEP IT UP!
-edit-
I know, when I was younger, i always told myself that i would never put myself through a divorce.
anyways, but some of your words here are very inspiring. thanks.
another thing, I DONT THINK SOME PEOPLE KNOW WHAT ADOPTED MEANS...... LOOK IT UP IN THE DICTIONARY!!!!! before making a comment about my kroeanness/americanness gossh~ ignorance....
-EDIT- March 23, 07-
so, my hubby and I got into a fight the other night. He lost his temper, and told me to get out. So instead ofjust crying like a baby like i used to, I did. We aren't divorced, but we aren't together. we're on a break. The sellfish part is that I don't have my own car, and I don't have money, he took me debit card and credit cards while i wasn't looking. plus he stole my cell, but while he was gone, i stole it back. I don't know what';s going to happen. I am currently staying with a friend (which i stronly feel like i'm burdenign, for she has to drive me to class, and to work (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sleep.gif) ) , until i figure out what's going to happen.... if he doesn't come aroound, i'm starting to save moeny NOW, and i plan to get a car loan, get a car, and save money to open my own checking account. Eventually get my own apartment. HELP!!!!!
and we dated for aroound 2 years before we got married to thos ppl who think i just married him off of the friggen bat!
[size=6]EDIT APRIL 10, 2007
I feel very guilty for presenting it this way, but it has come to me that him and I just arent' the same. I know that he loves me, so it breaks my hear to say that i no longer love him in the same way.... Whenever my year in college is done (in about a month) i plan to move back to MN, my home of 18years, transfer colleges, and move on. As blunt as that sounds. I don't plan to date anyone for quite sometime obviously, but i dont' find any point to this relationship because we have changed, and those personalities clash. We were both young and naive for jumping into it.......
PLEASE, SOME WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT?
Answer:
sometiems when a couple marrys at a young age it really is hard because both have not fully matured yet i'm not saying tha tyou arn't mattured but maybe you two knew eachother before you two fully grew up and you know as we all grow up we change.
being divorced at a young age isn't bad o_o when it doesn't work it doesn't workyou shouldn't force a marriage =)
Answer:
Regardless of how old you are when divorce happens, it isn't as bad as the moments that compel you to do such things.
When you two got together, everything just felt 'right' w/out taking the real life situation into consideration. I can't blame you for feeling the way you do, so unless you both feel that deep down, you two can work things out; do think about whats best for you.
Answer:
you two should sit down and talk about it and see what you can do to make it work. most, if not all, married couples go through hard times, but what makes a marriage successful is that both of you overcome it and come out stronger. if you give up now, you never know what kind of great marriage you could've had if you overcome it. furthermore, after you give up once, divorce is easier the next time around, and when hard times come in another marriage, what are you doing to do? leave him again and find someone new?
do what you can to make him open up and make things work. that's a lifelong process in marriage, and very rarely do you see a couple run into few problems with each other. it's not a magical happiness served on a silver platter, but years upon years of good times and bad times that bring you two closer together and allow you to find bits of happiness here and there.
Answer:
Yeah definitely, you two need to have a talk. Last year you felt that you two were destined together then you have to sit down and talk to your husband. It's difficult when there's a culture difference but you can overcome that if you two really love one another.
Answer:
Well this sound like a drama, with no camera action. There is one rule in marriage, that is you have to make it happen, its not gonna last without efforts from both party. Your marriage is slipping away from you , do what you gotta do to save it. Age doesn't matter, some of my friends got married young and stay together. Once you decide to get married you claim the title of being a responsible adult, its no child's play. The vows you should take your marriage vows more seriously it has all the rules of marriage in it recites that vow again. I m the love doctor come again.
Answer:
See a couple therapist. If one of you is in college, you can see a counselor for free. That would be my advice...
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all i can say is..
AJA AJA FIGHTING!~ ^^v
Answer:
I don't believe you should force being with him. I understand that you love him still, but if it isn't working out now... it's not gonna work out later either. I think you should talk it out with him.
Answer:
I htink hes better for a kroean girl that will take care of him,.
IMO, race/ethnics doesn't matter in a relationship. I guess being married at a young age is hard because both of you aren't fully matured yet. Like everyone said, both of you should talk it out together.
Answer:
If you really do love him and just because of the different beliefs you guys have, then what made you guys stay together for so long. If it was such a big deal, you wouldn`t have lasted about a year right? At least talk to him. Cause this is a big decision and you shouldn`t make it alone. You two should sit down and talk about if you guys still want to be together, cause you can`t make this own decision alone, because this is marriage we are talking about. Nothing to mess around with. So my advice is, talk to him and if you both decision to break up, then it`s probably best for both you guys.
Answer:
i hate to be a downer, but race/culture definitely matters. i can understand where you`re coming from when you mentioned a 'korean girl taking better care of him'~ just because my ex often struggled to understand certain traditions and whatnot [i`m korean, he`s caucasian]...
but like others have mentioned, you might want to try couples counseling?
Answer:
i hate to be a downer, but race/culture definitely matters. i can understand where you`re coming from when you mentioned a 'korean girl taking better care of him'~ just because my ex often struggled to understand certain traditions and whatnot [i`m korean, he`s caucasian]...
but like others have mentioned, you might want to try couples counseling?
at least someone understands! thanks =)))
THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR ADVICEE!! seriously! i havent talked about this at all to anyone =) so thanks!!!
Answer:
better to divorce at a young age than dragging it on and wasting your time :x
unless you think it can work out .
Answer:
The two of you have a promise and took vow, and you can't just run away from a difficult situation. What if this kind of situation of your second husband will occur again? Are you just going to run away? This isn't dating like when you wake up, and dump the guy anytime you please. If you can't handle the situation like this, I don't think you're even ready to get marry again or have kids, seriously though. Marriage is not a joke, and it takes sacrifice in a marriage. Just don't think about negativity, think possitve way that you can overcome it.
It's your own to blame to put yourself into a situation like this.
If you want to get a divorce, then go ahead.
Answer:
after your forced departure, when you two met again, you moved in w/ him 2 weeks later, and got married 2 months later?! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blink.gif)
looks like you two got married because of the spur of the moment.
Your feeling toward him blinded your ability to think right.
if it is REALLY can't be fixed, even after counseling, just get a divorce. No use to continue, waste of time and your youth.
Answer:
The two of you have a promise and took vow, and you can't just run away from a difficult situation. What if this kind of situation of your second husband will occur again? Are you just going to run away? This isn't dating like when you wake up, and dump the guy anytime you please. If you can't handle the situation like this, I don't think you're even ready to get marry again or have kids, seriously though. Marriage is not a joke, and it takes sacrifice in a marriage. Just don't think about negativity, think possitve way that you can overcome it.
It's your own to blame to put yourself into a situation like this.
If you want to get a divorce, then go ahead.
Would you be telling her (or anyone else) the same thing if they were in an abusive relationship?
It's ok, my baby's dad beats me and pushes me down the stairs, but I gotta stay positive!
Answer:
I remember a statistic that says couple who marry under 25 often lead to divorces. I had a teacher who got married at 19, she's now 50(?) and she's still married to the same man that she was married to when she was 19. The thing is, I think you two rushed things.
When you two are arguing, put yourself in his position. Ask yourself 'Why is he doing this?' or 'What does he think that I did wrong' then try work things out. I hope your marriage doesn't end to divorce. You two have been through a lot, sometimes you just have to suck it up.
Answer:
ouch. must be painful.. you did rush into it really fast.. aiya (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sleep.gif) what people do when they're in love!
i understand the language thingy.. and yea i know what you mean.. race and stuff don't matter but when it's korean DAMNN (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sleep.gif) '' just like if you're korean but don't know korean then they look down at you.. it's so blehhh
i know it sounds scary to be divorce at 19.. but what's the use to something that wasn't meant to be? but you should have a good talk with him.. that it's getting really scary for you..
and well in my opinion.. when you start to have DOUBTS about a relationship.. even if it's the smallest thing.. that's the first sign it's not going to go good. hope everything works out for you.
Answer:
The two of you have a promise and took vow, and you can't just run away from a difficult situation. What if this kind of situation of your second husband will occur again? Are you just going to run away? This isn't dating like when you wake up, and dump the guy anytime you please. If you can't handle the situation like this, I don't think you're even ready to get marry again or have kids, seriously though. Marriage is not a joke, and it takes sacrifice in a marriage. Just don't think about negativity, think possitve way that you can overcome it.
It's your own to blame to put yourself into a situation like this.
If you want to get a divorce, then go ahead.
stop being so mean and judemental _ ur not needed here. u don't even know HALF of the situation. please leave now
