Question:
This is kinda emotional for my to write all this out. But I have no one else to tell it too . . and I just want it to kinda be anonamous because if I told my Unnies and Dongsaengs out there what would they think of me? If you have an opinion please reply to this thread, I need all the help I can get.
It started out when I was in 6th grade. I got involved with this guy the casual dating stuff, we lasted on and off for 6 months. The reason why we went on and off was because I started to see him change. He became more agressive towards me like . . all we ever did was make out because that's what he wanted to do. He was also involved in a gang so that was why I was scared to say no. There was this other guy my childhood crush. Turns out he liked me too. So my boyfriend found out and they were on a major enemy bases. Four months into the relationship I started sneaking out to go see my boyfriend. My parents soon found out I had a boyfriend because they had hacked into my emails and stuff because they saw I was changing. My emails included love letters and all this crap. They soon tapped into my phone line and heard all my conversations with him. Some weeks later they moved me to another state because of this. We were only hours away from eachother so he decided that we should keep the relationship we already have. That lasted for 2 months on and off because I knew he was cheating on me that;s why he kept on braking up with me so he wouldn't feel guilty that he was commited to a relationship while cheating. Two months later our last brake up occured because of this conversation I had with him on MSN. He kept pushing me into having sex with him the next time we met. He kept saying oh we've been in this relationship for so long don't you love me? The thing is I was close to giving up. But than I remembered all the pain he caused me. ( Since when I had moved away from him I thought I really loved him so I cut myself maybe once or twice. ) I kept saying no, and two days after I broke up with him.
We haven't kept in contact until two years later.
But during those two years another problem had risen up because we had to move. Our real estate agent the guy that found the house and made us move into another state. Well turns out that my mom and him are lovers. My dad found out because his friend and him kept passing by his house and seeing her car parked out there even though she said she would be at work. Than my dad went up to face my mom;s lover and said why are you doing this? You know she has a husband and 3 kids. His only reply was. It's not my fault she gave herself to me. That was when I totally broke down . . .I went shopping with my mom oneday and she asked me to hold her phone. Her lover called and my voice sounds like my moms so he assumed that I was her. He said You are the most wonderfullest thing I ever held in my arms - - I cut him off than by telling him that I was her daughter and his stupid reply was this Oh .. . well your wonderful too ( cautious laugh.) He knows I know he knew I hated him from the start. Because of my relationship in 6th grade we had to move which led to my mom cheating on my dad. Now my dad is thinking about filing divorce this summer because he can't take it anymore.
Also my mom took her lovers mr.real estates advice and put 10,000 bidding on a house. Because of that we might be homeless . . .
One day . . my dad was soo low. He asked me to do something for him. I wouldn't call it sexual harrasment but it would make any child cringe and cry just to hear her own father say that to them. ( But I did not do what he asked me too.) I cried like there was a never ending cycle. Of course even though he did that I still have to go with him in custody. I am scared. Since he abused . . beatings . . when i was little . . But Im prepared. It was too hard to accept that my family had turned into something that most people would give away there everything not to have.
So than . . my relatives started to know about this case and they knew that my dad would want to move back to our origional place. My Ex called me up oneday. this was what he basicaly said.
So I heard you were coming back to live here. Do you remember our promise? To be together forever. You said that when you came back here we would be together again. Dont you remember? We used to say I love you all the time. Don't you want that to happen again? I've always remembered those moments and wished for it to all come back.
Than recently after my boyfriends call I had my Childhood crush call.
Hey do you remember me? It's been so long since we've talked, I've missed you alot things arn't the same here with you gone. Everything changed people moved away it's so lonely here. I can't wait till you come back.
So basicaly my love life has ruined my family life. If it hadn't been for me sneaking around and getting involved with this guy than maybe my mom wouldn't cheat on my dad? To top it all off I have two people waiting for me back in my old place. . . they both are enemies AND . . they both belong to two sepperate gangs which are rival gang members meaning they both hate eachother either way and they fire gunshots or something whenever they see the enemy color.
Also about the divorce I have to go with my dad . . considering what he asked me to do. But I have to go with him or else he would commit suicide, and also my moms lover might rape me. My other two sisters HAVE to stay with my mom for law reasons because they arn't old enough to make a choice on who to stay with so they automaticly have to stay with my mother.
Ontop of that . . there are stalkers after me . . . and I - - I can't get rid of them now.
This was a long post . . but I hope you understand what I'm going through. Any opinions would help.
Answer:
That is one hell of a life your living. I really give my sympathy out to you seriously, your still standing strong since you are able to write this out. But I do think that you should tell someone, a close friend so that you have someone to lean on. Especially with the position your in, you can't face this on your own.
Just wondering, how old are you? I'm really scared for your siblings as your mothers new boyfriend may do something. I was hoping you can look after them. And as for your dad, I know you may feel that he is suicidal but after what he asked you to do, do you really feel safe being around him? But if you feel you need to look after your father, just be careful with everything you do. I think you need to pull your mother together. Why is she messing with the real estate guy? I think you need to talk with your mother one-on-one. Why did she do that? It can't be because you and your troubles with your bf and such. Maybe they just blamed it on you that way, so that your mum can get a bit closer to him. Do you think they had something behind the scenes before in your old state? And for your boy friends tell them that you want nothing to do with them if you don't like them at all. Be strong and tell them what you want. If they are pressuring you to do things that you don't want then walk away and have nothing to do with them. Carry some sort of pepper spray, whistle or something that can alert someone that your in trouble.
Don't blame yourself for the mess thats happening okay? Your in a tough situation, cry if you need to because that'll only make you stronger the next day. (This would be something your friend would tell you, they are there to comfort you so do tell them your situation so they can check up on you even if nothing is wrong. If something does go wrong, you'll be glad that you told them because if they do call you up and noone answers, they'll go to your house for sure)
Answer:
So basicaly my love life has ruined my family life.No. You can't simplify this situation like that. You aren't responsible for your mother's actions. Are you saying that if you hadn't moved, she would be loyal forever? It's not like that at all. Your mother might have cheated anyway in some other way. Don't be so idealistic and think that she found another love and wouldn't have cheated unless she found the real estate agent. In reality, your mother may have had issues and felt she needed to escape. You have nothing to do with it.
Solution to preventing your mother's lover from raping you = stay away from him at all costs.
I agree with the above poster that I'm worried about your siblings. If you feel that you have a reason to fear him raping you, then what about your two sisters?
I know a girl who's parents divorced, and she told me that she had to keep talking to her dad because he became suicidal too. Stay with your dad and be strong for him. Eventually, even though it may be difficult, you can help your dad get through depression.
You're not some useless toy for your parents or those two guys to throw around. Consider yourself: do you even like either of those two guys anymore? It's been two years... how do you feel? Were you excited at all to go back to where you used to live? Going back doesn't mean you're going to subordinate yourself to either of their feelings. What you said before about love has nothing to do what you feel now. You were younger then and you didn't feel the same way you feel now. Because the two of them both miss you and want you back, you have the upper hand. Decide what you want for yourself only. And don't forget how that guy used to treat you. Some people change, sure, but other people don't necessarily change the way they say they have.
Honestly, it sounds like you're too stressed to think of liking either of them right now. And in fact, maybe you don't. You just feel obligated and pressured because of your past. I think the best thing for you to do would be to turn down both of them. At least it wouldn't spark more gang rivalry.
Answer:
That is one hell of a life your living. I really give my sympathy out to you seriously, your still standing strong since you are able to write this out. But I do think that you should tell someone, a close friend so that you have someone to lean on. Especially with the position your in, you can't face this on your own.
Just wondering, how old are you? I'm really scared for your siblings as your mothers new boyfriend may do something. I was hoping you can look after them. And as for your dad, I know you may feel that he is suicidal but after what he asked you to do, do you really feel safe being around him? But if you feel you need to look after your father, just be careful with everything you do. I think you need to pull your mother together. Why is she messing with the real estate guy? I think you need to talk with your mother one-on-one. Why did she do that? It can't be because you and your troubles with your bf and such. Maybe they just blamed it on you that way, so that your mum can get a bit closer to him. Do you think they had something behind the scenes before in your old state? And for your boy friends tell them that you want nothing to do with them if you don't like them at all. Be strong and tell them what you want. If they are pressuring you to do things that you don't want then walk away and have nothing to do with them. Carry some sort of pepper spray, whistle or something that can alert someone that your in trouble.
Don't blame yourself for the mess thats happening okay? Your in a tough situation, cry if you need to because that'll only make you stronger the next day. (This would be something your friend would tell you, they are there to comfort you so do tell them your situation so they can check up on you even if nothing is wrong. If something does go wrong, you'll be glad that you told them because if they do call you up and noone answers, they'll go to your house for sure)
I'm only 14 years old . . . Yea I'm scared for my siblings as well. I would always ask my dad if it was alright to leave them there. All he said was that we could do nothing unless my mom leaves them for more than three days than we gain full custody. So we might move an hours away so that maybe we could keep track of them. No I don't feel safe around my dad at all . . he used to be abusive when we were little. I just really don't know what to do. Yea I think something happened in our old state that made her do that. Because you see both my parents are trying to persuide me with there stories. My mom said that years ago when my younger sister was born . . maybe nine years ago? He cheated on her because he went back to asia to check up on a few things. I don't know how she knows that he cheated on her . . but she says he did. I told some of my friends the stuff. . . But they live like two states or even more away from me. The closest person that I told lives an hour away from me . . But I don't think I can trust her with my secrets anymore.
No. You can't simplify this situation like that. You aren't responsible for your mother's actions. Are you saying that if you hadn't moved, she would be loyal forever? It's not like that at all. Your mother might have cheated anyway in some other way. Don't be so idealistic and think that she found another love and wouldn't have cheated unless she found the real estate agent. In reality, your mother may have had issues and felt she needed to escape. You have nothing to do with it.
Solution to preventing your mother's lover from raping you = stay away from him at all costs.
I agree with the above poster that I'm worried about your siblings. If you feel that you have a reason to fear him raping you, then what about your two sisters?
I know a girl who's parents divorced, and she told me that she had to keep talking to her dad because he became suicidal too. Stay with your dad and be strong for him. Eventually, even though it may be difficult, you can help your dad get through depression.
You're not some useless toy for your parents or those two guys to throw around. Consider yourself: do you even like either of those two guys anymore? It's been two years... how do you feel? Were you excited at all to go back to where you used to live? Going back doesn't mean you're going to subordinate yourself to either of their feelings. What you said before about love has nothing to do what you feel now. You were younger then and you didn't feel the same way you feel now. Because the two of them both miss you and want you back, you have the upper hand. Decide what you want for yourself only. And don't forget how that guy used to treat you. Some people change, sure, but other people don't necessarily change the way they say they have.
Honestly, it sounds like you're too stressed to think of liking either of them right now. And in fact, maybe you don't. You just feel obligated and pressured because of your past. I think the best thing for you to do would be to turn down both of them. At least it wouldn't spark more gang rivalry.
That's exactly how she told me that she wanted freedom and to escape without actually putting in words that she cheated on my dad. Yea . . I stay away from my moms lover at all times. But I'm scared for the youngest one because she likes my moms lover, as in thinking of him as a romodel. I don't know what would happen to my two sisters but if my dad does get the divorce files by summer we'll try to fight for them . . but there's nothing we can do to gain full custody unless we could prove that something is very wrong, or my mother leaves my two sisters for around three days straight maybe? I haven't looked into the laws of divorce and stuff, but I will soon. Yea I don't have feelings for those two guys anymore, and I'm not excited going back to where everything started either. I agree about the sparking gang rivalry, they are really competitive when it comes to that not to mention when people get caught in the middle ...
Answer:
aw i'm really sorry that youre in this situation. its a very bad one too, its hard to say on how to fix it. but i think what you should do is to avoid those two guys that keep bugging you to go out or have sex with them or whatever. avoid them as much as possible. you have to be strong about this, dont let anyone take control of you. even whatever your dad told u to do whatever for him, take control and fight for yurself because its a bad world out there!
thats my best advice for u
u have to stay strong!
Answer:
That's exactly how she told me that she wanted freedom and to escape without actually putting in words that she cheated on my dad. Yea . . I stay away from my moms lover at all times. But I'm scared for the youngest one because she likes my moms lover, as in thinking of him as a romodel. I don't know what would happen to my two sisters but if my dad does get the divorce files by summer we'll try to fight for them . . but there's nothing we can do to gain full custody unless we could prove that something is very wrong, or my mother leaves my two sisters for around three days straight maybe? I haven't looked into the laws of divorce and stuff, but I will soon. Yea I don't have feelings for those two guys anymore, and I'm not excited going back to where everything started either. I agree about the sparking gang rivalry, they are really competitive when it comes to that not to mention when people get caught in the middle ...Right, so don't blame yourself for your parents' problems. You don't have anything to do with it accept for the fact that they're dragging you and your sisters into the whole mess. You didn't start anything.
Just be on your guard around both your parents. Listen to both of their stories, but reserve your own judgement to yourself and ask yourself what you believe and what you don't believe. they may not necessarily lie to you, but both of them are going to frame their stories to try and convince you that they're right. Actually, I think they both probably did something wrong.
About those guys--if you don't like them anymore don't get back with either of them.
Answer:
oh my god, i'm so sorry.
i feel as if you're being too harsh on yourself. mistakes happen; you were a little girl at the time. you didn't know any better. you parents were a bit extreme for moving into another state. even though, your mum should have known better to engage in an affair, especially if she was married with three kids. that's HER fault, not yours. you need to understand that.
i think the best solution is to move in with a relative far away. it seems as living with either parents is not a good option right now...especially if your mum's boyfriend is a potential rapist and your father is abusive. there is no possible way you can live happily...
Answer:
You're not a toy. You're not going to be tossed around. You have your own identity, your own thoughts, your own opinions. Your love life has and had absolutely NOTHING to do with your mom's fling because her life and your life are completely two separate things. Her running to the real estate agent was her choice and was in no way affected by your decision to go out secretly with your ex.
And about your love life.. I would go to your childhood guy. You already know that your ex has been pressuring you to do all the wrong things. Why go back to him again? So you said you'd be with him forever. SO?! Ok fine you lied. It's not like he's any better- pressuring you to do what you DON'T want to do. Try to start a new with your childhood crush. He might not be any better, but you don't know until you try. Besides, if they're rivals, they're going to kill each other off anyways whether you go to one side or the other.. sooooooooo yeah. I didn't mean the killing off to seem so harsh. I'm just saying.
Good luck dearie
I'll keep you in my prayers :]
Answer:
Your thread caught my eyes. Though it is long and really heart breaking to read. I read through all of it, not skipping a meaning or a sentence. First off, your unnies and your dongsaengs LOVES you no matter what happens. No matter what happened in your past or present Im 100% sure they're always there for you. It's a really bad rocky childhood but Im very proud of you for going through it soo maturely. With your first boyfriend -- you should end things with him before things gets worse. Seriously, pressuring you with smex? What kind of a guy is he? He cheated on you once he can do it again. Giving yourself up to him when he is that kind of person is regretful. Im really proud of you for saying no though. Being in a relationship when you are scared and frighten because the other is aggressive -- it's never a happy ending.
As for your life situation, aish i dont know where to start. Your mom cheated on your dad and your dad cant take it anymore. Really understandable and I cant believe that it was the man that told you to move (relocated) I guess divorce can either bring new hopes and chances or heartbreak. You have to be strong okay? Always keep your head up because there are people out there who cares and love you a lot. Never lose up hope.3 I have faith in you. Keep smiling~
Always in my prayers3
Good luck sweetie
I know you can make through this. Though you're young I can sense that you are really mature to be going through something like this. Always remember you are more than this and dont let this bring you down. You're young there's a huge future ahead of you for you to choose. Things may be bad now but behind every storm there's a rainbow. (: There's hope; there's miracles -- it'll happen for you.
Answer:
Hey, you're the same age as me! WHOA. WHOA. thats a lot of things you got going on, more things that not even an ADULT could handle. Im sorry so sorry. Don't go back to your ex, he might pressure you into doing something you don't want again. Besides, you said he cheated on you right? Once a cheater always a cheater. Maybe you could get to know your ex crush again if you want a boyfriend idk. Don't blame your love life. What your mother did was her choice, i can't believe she would do something like that , that makes me angry. How do you know your mother's lover would rape you? If he would, STAY AWAY from him as much as you can. Don't be alone with him ONCE. I would go live with a close relative..idk about staying with your parents..atleast for now. DAD is abusive...Mom's lover rapist.
Answer:
Omg. I'm sooo sorry to hear that. That's so much to think about and handle. I think I would go with the childhood crush because your other boyfriend sounds too aggressive. Maybe, you don't even have to choose either of them. You could end their rivalry. Plus, I hope you and your dad feel better soon. Sorry, I don't know what else to say. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif) I really hope you feel better.
Answer:
i prayed for you sweetie. i love you! remember i will always love you!
Answer:
wow. dramatic.
just remember the right thing to do.
dont let your ex boy use you for sex. hell no to that.
dont let your daddy hurt you or your siblings.
tell your mom, either she leaves or she goes... no drama needed.
this is life. but it's up to you how you want it to go.
good luck.
we are all here for you.
happy thoughts.
there is happiness.
good luck!!!
Answer:
you're my age dear, i feel so sorry for you. Your unnies and dongsaengs, i know they'd understand. Who wouldn't? For anyone's past & present to be so hard and overbearing-- it's fine. They'd love you either way, you know? That guy-- ...sixth grade, dearest, so young. But to get attatched? Gang member? I'm glad you got away, but what if you go back. Fighting 3 i mean it, i'll be praying for you. I never thought so much drama could go in one's life, at such a young age. Please, tell us what happens after, okay? I hope that things are going to get better & improve.
Answer:
OMG!!!!! ur unnies n dongsaengs wil love you very much no matter wat u say...
I LOVE YOU HEAPOS!!!! SARANGHAE!!!! n nothing is gonna change that okay??
hmm... i feel funny writing this here ... so can u check ur pm box?
for my very long pm abt this okies?
*huggies* dongsaeng!!!!! im so sorry!! TT_TT
dont think abt suju rite now okies? no matter how much u love... they will get better okies?
they still hav many fans caring abt them... many many fans...
now listen 2 ur unnie okay? everything WILL get better...
remember : people who hav had hard hurtful pasts will hav a brighter future 333 ur unnie
