Question:
It's been over a year since we've broke up after some horrible misunderstanding.
However, we are still close friends.
When we're alone we still joke around and act like a couple but when we're around friends it's all quiet again and painful, and everything he says is cold and insulting...
I've tried to get over him but I can't seem to, I've thought about giving him up but I can't stand the thought of life without him.
When we started dating he has been my friend for 3 years, and he was always very supportive of me through my stressing life. At that time I was thinking of just ending everything due to the state my life was in, although that isn't the purpose of this thread. The point is he was the only reason to give me strength to keep going, without him I don't know where I'd be right now.
Well, we've always been rather close, he tells a lot of stuff he doesn't tell to his other friends.
But 2 weeks ago he was in a car accident(driver) while going to the States with some friend.
Now he is unconscious and suffering brain injury/damage. Apparently the doctors say he may wake up to be a completely different person.
What was worst is that that no one bothered to tell me until a week after the accident, at first I thought he was just ignoring me because of some silly argument then it just seemed way too long for him to be mad so I asked out of his friends and he finally told me what happened.
Afterwards I asked one of my close friends and his and they said that they didn't want to cause me stress during my finals, and they were planning to tell me when he regained consciousness. So that friend said that he would take me to visit him the next day. Unfortunately, some other girl that wasn't even close somehow found out about the accident, and when she visited, she did something and the family is not letting anyone request to be on the visitor's list.. until he wakes up.. Also the doctors now say not to let so many people visit due to whatever that girl did when she went.
So in the end I never got to visit him, the only people who have access now are the ones that were already on the list.. Somehow I felt if my friends had told me earlier about the accident I could've been able to visit him freely right now. I just want to be there for him and I can't even do anything at the point. I wouldn't even know what to do if he's isn't okay. Since I've found out I haven't been able to sleep or eat properly and when I think about what would happen if he's not okay I just break down in tears.
Now I feel like just an outsider to his life, a nobody. I guess maybe it was true all along and I haven't realized it early enough. I wonder if I should bother to visit him at all when I wake up, it seems like I'm just a hassle to his life and I don't fit in.
I plan to tell him how I feel about him(never mentioned anything again when we broke up), and then just leave. I don't think I can take the pain anymore. I've been holding this burden for too long and I can't get him off my mind it's just causing too much stress. I'm at my limit and I can't handle life anymore. I know I'm weak, but I don't want to bother anymore I've been holding on for far too long.
Thanks, just needed some place to rant out since I've told nobody about this so far.
Any advice or comments will be appreciated.
Answer:
why not just talk about getting back together?
don't cut him out of your life until you guys have actually talked about it.. because since you guys are so close.. i don't think it's worth losing a friend over like this
just talk to him =P
Answer:
I'm very sorry that you're going through something like this. A lot of things you said reminded me of my own situation, so I can understand some of the hurt that you've felt. I've experienced a lot of death (at least compared to other ppl), and I can only hope that you won't let yourself be completely suffocated by depressing thoughts. The most important thing is to pray for his recovery.. and that he won't be a completely different person.. even though I know being optimistic is so much easier said than done.
Even though these are immensely private thoughts, I think you should consider having a heart-to-heart with one of his friends. If he wasn't a jackass and really did care for you for all those years, then his closest friends must know something about your situation right? It really bothers me that they didn't bother to tell you. I might have misread your tone, but they didn't want to cause you stress during finals? He has brain damage, what a lame excuse! How could they possibly think finals would be a bigger priority than him? Sorry I'm probably not helping by venting.. I've just had similar experiences.
I think you should start preparing yourself to talk to him too. He should know what you've been feeling for the past year, and things like this always make us realize that life is too short to not be outright honest. 1 year is too long to wait and wonder; you have a lot of strength girl. But you should also start considering what you're going to do if he wakes up as a different person. Having a talk with him probably won't go too well, and telling him your feelings then leaving probably won't make you feel too much better.
I hope you have your own close friends to keep an eye on you. Unless they were close to him they can't give you much comfort.. except for just offering their shoulders and ears. If you're like me, you probably want to avoid most human contact, including friends, but you know and I know that your thoughts of ending everything need some supervision and love. I'm sorry if I'm crossing the line here, I really really don't mean or want to offend you, but you might want to consider anti-depressants. I myself was forced onto them at my brink.. but I'm thankful to those ppl now b'cuz they helped. But first and foremost, I hope you find someone (or will let yourself trust someone enough) to talk all your emotions out with. You're always welcome to msg me b'cuz I understand that sometimes talking to a stranger-to someone who isn't involved--is oddly comforting.
Good luck! Be strong!
Answer:
It's been over a year since we've broke up after some horrible misunderstanding.
However, we are still close friends.
When we're alone we still joke around and act like a couple but when we're around friends it's all quiet again and painful, and everything he says is cold and insulting...
I've tried to get over him but I can't seem to, I've thought about giving him up but I can't stand the thought of life without him.
When we started dating he has been my friend for 3 years, and he was always very supportive of me through my stressing life. At that time I was thinking of just ending everything due to the state my life was in, although that isn't the purpose of this thread. The point is he was the only reason to give me strength to keep going, without him I don't know where I'd be right now.
Well, we've always been rather close, he tells a lot of stuff he doesn't tell to his other friends.
But 2 weeks ago he was in a car accident(driver) while going to the States with some friend.
Now he is unconscious and suffering brain injury/damage. Apparently the doctors say he may wake up to be a completely different person.
What was worst is that that no one bothered to tell me until a week after the accident, at first I thought he was just ignoring me because of some silly argument then it just seemed way too long for him to be mad so I asked out of his friends and he finally told me what happened.
Afterwards I asked one of my close friends and his and they said that they didn't want to cause me stress during my finals, and they were planning to tell me when he regained consciousness. So that friend said that he would take me to visit him the next day. Unfortunately, some other girl that wasn't even close somehow found out about the accident, and when she visited, she did something and the family is not letting anyone request to be on the visitor's list.. until he wakes up.. Also the doctors now say not to let so many people visit due to whatever that girl did when she went.
So in the end I never got to visit him, the only people who have access now are the ones that were already on the list.. Somehow I felt if my friends had told me earlier about the accident I could've been able to visit him freely right now. I just want to be there for him and I can't even do anything at the point. I wouldn't even know what to do if he's isn't okay. Since I've found out I haven't been able to sleep or eat properly and when I think about what would happen if he's not okay I just break down in tears.
Now I feel like just an outsider to his life, a nobody. I guess maybe it was true all along and I haven't realized it early enough. I wonder if I should bother to visit him at all when I wake up, it seems like I'm just a hassle to his life and I don't fit in.
I plan to tell him how I feel about him(never mentioned anything again when we broke up), and then just leave. I don't think I can take the pain anymore. I've been holding this burden for too long and I can't get him off my mind it's just causing too much stress. I'm at my limit and I can't handle life anymore. I know I'm weak, but I don't want to bother anymore I've been holding on for far too long.
Thanks, just needed some place to rant out since I've told nobody about this so far.
Any advice or comments will be appreciated.
You must be under a lot of stress...but hold strong and don't crumble...and if you do crumble put yourself back together. If you value him and value yourself as his friend then when he wakes up be there for him because he needs you and not because you need him. He's going to be in more pain and stress than you will be and you need to show your support. If you can't visit now send things like cards and things he like so even though your not there you still are near to him in a way. That was messed up on your friends part in not telling you...but they we're trying to think of you. When he wakes up how can you just confess to him and leave? Isn't that kind of selfish of you? If you want to be by his side be there...and then if he tells you to leave...leave graciously. You don't know he might want you to be the one at his side. Learn from this that time is short and we have to live wisely and love deeply. Don't have too many regrets in your life. Give yourself time...and learn to stand on your own two feet. Life is full of suffering for all of us but you have to have faith in a better tomorrow when today seems horrible. Also you need to find your own path and not depend on him as your reason for living...I'm sure there are good points that you fail to realize about yourself. Remember that your attitude about life will define how you live it. So be positive and be confident and let your life be what you want it to be. I hope he has a fast recovery and best of luck to you!!!
Answer:
Yeah I know it's pretty selfish of me to just want to leave but I feel like he's just stringing me along... When we're out with people he's like all cold and rarely talks to me if he does it's to crack some kind of joke directed at me =.=;; But when we're alone he's back to the way he always was with me.. It's so annoying because unless he's completely blind he should know exactly how I feel about him and everything.
Everything's just so messed up right now. I'm slowly dropping out of school from all the stress. I just don't know what to do anymore.
Answer:
oh my!!
is he awake yett??
is he ok????
i think u should be worrying more about his situation then yours!
how is he doing?
when he wakes up.. dont run away from him
be there for him like always...
i dont know why. but i think he still has some thing for u..
but he didnt tell anyone!!
after he wakes up and if everything is fine.. he is not stressed over whatever difference that accident made for him..
u just tell him how u still love him!!! tell him all!!!!
Answer:
I'm not even sure if he would want to see me or not. When he got his car 6 months ago I've always asked him if he wanted to go to the states but he would decline and say it's a stupid idea or whatever. Now that we had some argument and he was taking time off he decides to go with his friends.
I'm just so confused. Right now I'm just waiting for him to recover so I can just get everything over with and decide whether or not I still have a reason to carry on.
According to his friends he's responding, but not fully awake yet.
Answer:
well if ur still friends with ur ex it either means that ur relationship meant nothing (meaning that it wasn't serious) or u guys are still into each other. it sounds like u guys are still into each other. if u want to fix things and if it really was a misunderstanding, then talk to him about it
Answer:
well if ur still friends with ur ex it either means that ur relationship meant nothing (meaning that it wasn't serious) or u guys are still into each other. it sounds like u guys are still into each other. if u want to fix things and if it really was a misunderstanding, then talk to him about it
he knows what the misunderstanding was... (haha asking for stupid advice on some random forum.. after he wouldn't tell me what he wanted)
he just didn't want to deal with it anymore but after we broke up he still claimed he missed me and stuff for a while. so i don't know... *sigh*
Answer:
he knows what the misunderstanding was... (haha asking for stupid advice on some random forum.. after he wouldn't tell me what he wanted)
he just didn't want to deal with it anymore but after we broke up he still claimed he missed me and stuff for a while. so i don't know... *sigh*
so clearly he's not over you. it's like my ex. we didn't wanna go thru the stress so we remained single, buh we'd still fool around nd stuff coz we missed it. so it's like no strings attatched i guess u can say? hmm ierno, coz u always wonder if maybe u guys cud ever get bak together. yeah, now i'm over him.
Answer:
so clearly he's not over you. it's like my ex. we didn't wanna go thru the stress so we remained single, buh we'd still fool around nd stuff coz we missed it. so it's like no strings attatched i guess u can say? hmm ierno, coz u always wonder if maybe u guys cud ever get bak together. yeah, now i'm over him.
I guess you can say I'm still in the position that you used to be in... How'd you get over him?
Answer:
I guess you can say I'm still in the position that you used to be in... How'd you get over him?
well i talked on the phone with him less, online less, and i met new people. well yeah the talking on the phone less was easier coz he went away for spring break. yeah i hafta admit, if he didn't go away nd was available to talk to, then i think i wud've been attatched to him. by talking to ur ex so soon after a breakup seems like ur still trying to hold on to the relationship.
Answer:
well we're also close friends before that so i can't imagine just dumping him out of my life. haha that doesn't really help. nor did this thread get many replies or anything..
