Question:
I'm currently a high school senior and I'm leaving this suburban city for a better place. My friendship with two of my best friends just fell apart because of a stupid reason called vanity, which i'm a part of. what can i say? i'm arrogant, and i know it. it's long, but I thought I'd share with everybody and hear everyone's opinions.
[Background Info]
I've attended high school here in my city for four years now after my dad moved from Detroit to the local university here, but after my graduation, he's going to move again to TX. I was initially quite sad at the prospects of leaving my best friends, but now that some bad sh-t has happened, I'm not sad at leaving the majority of them behind...I mean, after all, I wont be back; I'll never see them again.
So, I'm an international student. I've worked my BUTT off for the past fours years of my life to get into my dream school: Caltech. I'm international and asian, and I knew I would face competition from the best of Korea and Singapore, etc so I had to work extra hard. Even so, I had to face waitlist/rejection letters from four of my top five choices.
Every letter that broke my heart, I called my friend Jay to cry. With my rejection from Caltech, I called her. I worked for this for four years, I sobbed, and I still got rejected. I thought she of all people would know how I felt and care for me. But it was weird; she got..happier every time I would tell her my failure, mentioning slyly the colleges that she was accepted to and not even try to feign sadness for me. As a friend was supposed to do.
[The Boiling Point]
Jay is a good student, and I knew that she considered me competition but she wasn't mine at all. First, we were friends. Second, we were in different situations: I'm asian, international, poor. She wasn't. Thus, I wasn't as upset as I coiuld have been when she told me she got into so-and-so college over the phone...when I was crying and crying about being rejected from my dream school for pretty much all of my academic life. That's just how she rolled, and I just congratulated her and treated her to dinners and lunches like a good friend was supposed to do, when I was suffering from my own demons.
When I finally got into one college that I really liked, I called her because she was my best friend and because I had congratulated her when she got into college. I thought she would reciprocate. I'm SO HAPPY and relieved I'm going to college!!! I said. There was silence on the other line and she spat out: Good for you, but it's not that big of a deal. I'm sure I could've gotten in if I had tried. And she hung up on me.
[The Vent]
I was upset; I slowly began to think she was enjoying my misery. Pissed, I called another friend, Cee and told her how I felt. I was upset and vented, I admit, in harsh terms. But don't we all when we're pissed and need someone to vent to? Anyway, I said I felt betrayed by Jay's unhappiness for me, for I had been happy for her when she succeeded. I told Cee that Jay should not consider me her competition.
I am not Jay's competition. She's not in the international pool--which is far more competitive--like me. She's not asian, like me. She doesn't need a full ride, like me. Let her find her own competition. I hate how she's hating on me because I'm doing something without her. I'm the better applicant, what the f-ck is the matter what that? why does she feel obliged to make herself think she's better than me?
We both applied to Dartmouth (her most competitive school) and I had gotten in, and she didn't know yet; I said snidely to Cee, I hope she faces a rejection; maybe then she'll know what I felt like. And then maybe it can humble her a notch that she's not. me. Of course, I wanted the best for Jay, but I did secretly wish for her to know what a rejection was like. And I was tired of her useless comparisons with me. Cee laughed and said, you don't mean that. And partially, I didn't. I was just upset. REALLY upset.
The next day, Cee asked me if I wanted to see Blades of Glory. I said no, I was busy, but I told her we could see it later or she could just go by herself. She was super pissed and hung up on me, but not before adding, you're a real b-tch of a friend. you let me down, and you let Jay down by insulting her intelligence and wishing harm upon her. i would never do that.
[The Acceptance]
I was hurt but I thought nothing of it because Cee is capricious and is the one that calls me to vent about Jay. Cee was the one that spread a rumor that Jay was a lesbian because Cee was pissed off her freshman year.
Anyway, a couple hours later, Jay called me, I got into Dartmouth!!! She said gleefully. Before I could congratulate her, however, having forgotten about the incident a couple days back, she said: You worked harder than me for four years but I guess we were both accepted into the same level schools, huh? SATs, your GPA, ranking, your awards, nothing matters, I guess. Life will just write down that you and I were both accepted into Dartmouth. Hey. I'm just as smart as you. maybe i'm smarter, since the college that accepted you, accepted me. And you faced rejection from your dream school. And she went on and on. I hung up on her.
I knew that if she continued, I would spit out that the only reason why she got in was affirmative action, and hurt her pride & feelings. I wasn't about to do that.
[The Spill]
I guess Jay didn't know why I hung up on her. She called Cee to vent, and guess what? Cee told her EVERYTHING that I said but failed to mention how hurt I was that day. Basically, a little bit taken out of context and in most vindictive terms. So after that day, for about, two weeks, Jay and Cee weren't talking to me, and I wasn't talking to Jay or Cee for my personal reasons. There, in those periods of relative loneliness, I realized, I didn't like either one of them. Jay was snide. We were from different situations and she felt a necessity to finally beat me at something; i didn't need that...at all. And i realized, Cee was vindictive and just pure spiteful. Not to mention, she stabbed me in the back by telling Jay everything I said in my most frustrated time.
[The Aftermath]
Jay and I ultimately made a truce...although our friendship has a huge scar in the middle. She said she didn't mean anything during her phone call and I just said, Me neither, and we're okay, but nothings really okay. I'll always think that Jay wanted me to fail. And I think now, that even though we were friends, she considered herself to be better in every way...like everybody does with their vain pride. I know I was vain; I know I definitely considered myself better. But at least I kept it discreet. At least I didn't laugh at her failures or shortcomings. I know she wanted to beat me at something and rub it in my face. And I realize, I don't need it.
And Cee? She said she was being a good friend to Jay by telling her everything I said when I was venting and reeeeally upset. So, she chose Jay's trust over mine and sold me out. And I told her that I should've told Jay everything SHE said to me when she was p-ssed. I don't think we'll be friends anytime soon. But Cee said I was being unreasonable.
AM I? Because as much as I miss hanging around them, I don't miss them at all. I'm strong, and I know that I have other friends, that I have connected more to than Jay or Cee. Vanity definition: I'm better than them. Is that bad thing?
Hah, probably. Because I don`t care anymore. I don't see them in the parties that I go to, and I realize: I just want to move on and graduate. Leave this place behind and the sh!tty duo I invested in for four years. Do any of you guys know? Because as much as I know that I'm arrogant, I know I'm pissed at them. But I also know that during the times when we were friends, I never laughed and took joy in their failures. I never sold out a friend to another when all she needed was someone to vent to. Because I knew she didn't mean half the things she said when she was p-ssed.
I hate how I say I don't care. And I pretend that I'm all tough and untouchable. But I can't help but feel undeniably betrayed by friends that I've had for four years. Because as flawed as I am and as vain as I am, i know that i really did give them a lot of my time and effort. I loved them, and feel...I feel like wasted four years of my life with sh!tty people. And I don't know why.
-finished-
Reason for edit: do not go around swear filter in your titles
Answer:
Eh, you seem kind of cocky in a way. You have a major misunderstanding between social and academic life. It almost appears as if you're rubbing it into your friend's face that you got into a better college than her; that's where you draw the line between social and academic.
Movies are not okay by oneself. That was rude and inconsiderate of you to tell her to go watch it on her own. There goes another crossing between academic and social. You have to know the boundaries. Not everyone is so siked about school as you are, especially when it comes to friends. And yeah, people are equal when it comes down to it. We all have the same goals, which is to survive. You have this strange passion to be different and better than everyone else, which led to your downfall in respects to your friendship.
Personally, it is better to stay in the academic realm than social because you'll have a lot more fun later when you are making money.
Answer:
^-- yeah, pretty much.
CHRIST.
i thought this was going to be about guys and stuff, haha
i don't think you're being unreasonable, though. these people treated you badly (from this point of view, at least) and since you guys aren't going to the same college anyway, then it's no big deal that they're no longer your friends.
but you said they were your best friends, which is weird. doesn't sound like they ever were by the end.
Answer:
I am sorry to say this, but you seem very cocky.
Ehh, I don't have anything more to say. I have a friend like you, who's always trying to be better than everyone else in academics.
Answer:
Hey. Bad things happened, and your friends weren't what you expected at all.
On the bright side, at least you got into some of the colleges you wanted, and when you graduate you can leave everything that you hated behind. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) Start fresh and make new better friends.
Answer:
you and jay were both pretty damn conceited girls. have some modesty. but all of you don't suit to be friends. you weren't all that bad of a friend, saying those things without meaning it and taking it and spilling why you said it, is all right, people can work through that but selling out a friend is no where near cool. you better pull back that ego a bit or you're gonna face greater problems and it's not gonna involve friendship but your career, future, plan, basically your life. so lose the ego and gain the modesty before you get yourself in bigger shiit. confidance is fine but cockiness isn't. and forget them 'cause they're obviously not good friends. find real friends and forget them.
Answer:
Eh, you seem kind of cocky in a way. You have a major misunderstanding between social and academic life. It almost appears as if you're rubbing it into your friend's face that you got into a better college than her; that's where you draw the line between social and academic.
Movies are not okay by oneself. That was rude and inconsiderate of you to tell her to go watch it on her own. There goes another crossing between academic and social. You have to know the boundaries. Not everyone is so siked about school as you are, especially when it comes to friends. And yeah, people are equal when it comes down to it. We all have the same goals, which is to survive. You have this strange passion to be different and better than everyone else, which led to your downfall in respects to your friendship.
Personally, it is better to stay in the academic realm than social because you'll have a lot more fun later when you are making money.
Yeah, I'm cocky. I wasn't rubbing it in her face though. If I had tried to, then I wouldn't have cried to her about getting rejected from some of my top schools. She would've been the last person then, I would've called, if I so desperately wanted to rub my college stuff it in her face.
I've been to movies that no one else wanted to see by myself. It's not that big of a deal, I think. Why would it be? If one wants to see the movie, one should see it. Period. Alone or not. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)
And I dont think it's a passion to be different and better than everyone else. I am competitive. I set goals and I compete against some of my competition to (IMG:style_emoticons/default/phew.gif) get to where I want to go. You can see it as bad or good, depending on your perspective. I just want to achieve my dreams. Thanks for your advice, though. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)
^-- yeah, pretty much.
CHRIST.
i thought this was going to be about guys and stuff, haha
i don't think you're being unreasonable, though. these people treated you badly (from this point of view, at least) and since you guys aren't going to the same college anyway, then it's no big deal that they're no longer your friends.
but you said they were your best friends, which is weird. doesn't sound like they ever were by the end.
I wish it were just about guys and stuff. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sad.gif) Sigh, that's what it used to be, but...I don't know what happened. Cee was always a little capricious and...nasty, but Jay. I don't know what made her snap because as competitive as I am, I'm not as obvious as she is. And I don't compete with my friends...so...Yeah.
I am sorry to say this, but you seem very cocky.
Ehh, I don't have anything more to say. I have a friend like you, who's always trying to be better than everyone else in academics.
No offense taken. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif) I admit that at times, I can be very arrogant, but most people understand that I mean no harm; I want to be the best person I can be, not just in academics, but in sports, and etc. I don't fume about it when I lose or hate people (although I am disappointed) but I try my best to be the best. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif)
Hey. Bad things happened, and your friends weren't what you expected at all.
On the bright side, at least you got into some of the colleges you wanted, and when you graduate you can leave everything that you hated behind. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) Start fresh and make new better friends.
It was a huge slap in the face. I'm quite sad though that my prom won't be with my best friend or that my graduation party will be missing two big chunks of my life. The days just...seem to go by in a blur now, which is unhapppy but oh well. It made me realize who the true friends were. Atleast it's senior year with only a month left before graduation and atleast I don't have the bad things in my life. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/vicx.gif)
you and jay were both pretty damn conceited girls. have some modesty. but all of you don't suit to be friends. you weren't all that bad of a friend, saying those things without meaning it and taking it and spilling why you said it, is all right, people can work through that but selling out a friend is no where near cool. you better pull back that ego a bit or you're gonna face greater problems and it's not gonna involve friendship but your career, future, plan, basically your life. so lose the ego and gain the modesty before you get yourself in bigger shiit. confidance is fine but cockiness isn't. and forget them 'cause they're obviously not good friends. find real friends and forget them.
Actually, I think I'm quite discreet. I'm not openly hateful or openly competitive. I just work hard. First, I don't go around telling people, Oh, I think I'm smarter than so-and-so. I think everyone secretly thinks they are better than some people, and I'm just another person. Plus, it's not like I wasn't happy for her getting into her college...I was just upset that she wasn't happy when I was happy for once. She was happy when I seemed to be down in the dumps...Why is that? And i don't know...I just snapped and wished some what happened to me on her so she would understand. But I admit, that was really horrible of me. But why would Cee would sell me out? There are times, I think, when friends need to vent. And I don't think that the vent should be used to ruin another friendship, especially if you trusted a friend enough to...vent. I mean, like I said, I didn't consider Jay competition, so I didn't try to beat her or rub her face in anything. She was just....a friend and we hung out and talked about non-academic stuff, really.
I do have to work on my ego, though, or how to hide it something or surround myself with non-egotistical persons. Thanks for your advice. But then again, how do you begin to work on that, when it's just a part of who you are? (IMG:style_emoticons/default/unsure.gif)
Answer:
Actually, I think I'm quite discreet. I'm not openly hateful or openly competitive. I just work hard. First, I don't go around telling people, Oh, I think I'm smarter than so-and-so. I think everyone secretly thinks they are better than some people, and I'm just another person. Plus, it's not like I wasn't happy for her getting into her college...I was just upset that she wasn't happy when I was happy for once. She was happy when I seemed to be down in the dumps...Why is that? And i don't know...I just snapped and wished some what happened to me on her so she would understand. But I admit, that was really horrible of me. But why would Cee would sell me out? There are times, I think, when friends need to vent. And I don't think that the vent should be used to ruin another friendship, especially if you trusted a friend enough to...vent. I mean, like I said, I didn't consider Jay competition, so I didn't try to beat her or rub her face in anything. She was just....a friend and we hung out and talked about non-academic stuff, really.
I do have to work on my ego, though, or how to hide it something or surround myself with non-egotistical persons. Thanks for your advice. But then again, how do you begin to work on that, when it's just a part of who you are? (IMG:style_emoticons/default/unsure.gif)
you are pretty discreet but then when you dumped all that out of your system, it just teared that part of you open because of the way you worded it. no matter what, control how you say things, regardless of who you're talking to 'cause they might misunderstand you and dismiss many parts of your emotions. but i guess if you trusted her that much and she sold you out, what are you gonna really do about it right? except to keep in mind her traits and make sure you don't get close to a person with similarities to her.
if it's a part of who you are, it's not gonna be easy but i'm not saying go change right now but it takes time to let go of that ego. that, you can take your time but those friends of yours have got to go 'cause as much as you say you don't care, you truly do care and if they are gonna be around again, they're gonna wanna do what they did before like how jay rubs those things in your face. as strong as you are, you can't help but feel that it does hurt. one advice i give you on how to detect potential good friends is observe them. don't just talk to them and think oh they're cool, yay it's more like take some time to get to know them and observe who they really are. nothing's easy like getting into a good college right? that i forgot to say, good luck with your future school.
Answer:
why is race such a big issue for you?
Answer:
the point is
get rid of them
they`re going to screw you over again
Answer:
I don't understand how being asian/international means anything. marks speak for themselves.
honestly, i think you take school too seriously. both you and your friends should lighten up a bit.
Answer:
Wow. you had b!tchy friends.
Then again you were quite b!tchy too. XD
You dont really need any sympathy, because you sound like a strong minded person.
Just hope you have a good time at your new school & go find better friends.
Answer:
i dont understadn what you mean by international...
if its simply because your asain thats a whole different story
unless u mean u were in a hs in korea or some asain country... i wouldnt exactly consdier you an international student.
skimming the comments i have noticed that a number of repliers called you conceited. hwoever, i will not rant aobut how u were rude. what i believe is that everyone is conceited to a certain degree... and having gone through the same situation as the one you have mentioned, whatever may be considered conceited or cocky is perfectly justified.
jay is defintiely not someone you should miss and i wouldnt consider her a firend. i understnad its hard to look back and to even bleieve that someone so close to you was wisihing you wouldnt succeed all along.
im very happy that you will be moving and leaving such horrible people as your friends behind. there are really alot of better poeple that are waiting to meet you at your new residence. i wish you luck
Answer:
what you went through was pretty bad...
And you're totally right
Cee had no right whatsoever to tell Jay about what you said about her _... because that was a breach of your trust and privacy
And Jay should have comforted you instead of tell you how happy she is that she got into so many places etc... __
But from what i've read, you seem like a very emotionally and mentally strong person ^__________^ i'm sure you'll be able to put this behind you and move on forward soon
all the best ~ ^___^
btw... good thing you found out who your real friends are.. i guess that was the silver lining in it all ^___________________^
Answer:
OMG!!! you should try out Blades of Glory.. i seen it today w/ my friend and it was a good watch, def. not an alone movie though cuz u need someone to laugh with...
sry for getting off topic. just gotta comment that (IMG:style_emoticons/default/happy.gif)
about your situation, from the way i see it, you just weigh academic a bit too much than needed.
at your age, it should be a big concern, but that not all there is in life
well, maybe because you had the competitive mind in the first place, and by hanging out w/ u for 4 yrs,
ur friends gotten annoyed by it and decided to rub it into ur face now
open up a bit and really try to be in their shoes, if u were them, wt would u feel
cuz trust me, these people not gonna be the last best-friend u gonna lose in life
Answer:
wow , i don't understand why ppl here are being so BLAh to you .
THEY were the ones who brought you down when you were down already .
THEY were the ones who started it all , not you .
THEY let you down , when you needed them .
i'm in your position too .
my friend always tries to go up against me .
i'm not trying to be cocky or anything but i always come up better , with better marks .
it's because i TRIED .
i studied my butt off for the mark .
i don't rub it in her face either .
i help her become better with her marks .
but seems like your friends did the opposite .
i'm actually very proud of you ^^
hope your studies in the future are great : D
BTW , this thread seems like a bashing one : X
Answer:
Honestly, I know how you feel lol.
I have a friend who thinks she's all that. lol no I have several but this one... bugs me the most.
like.. seriously it's really annoying. she tries to prove me wrong in every single way and... yeah.
and as cocky as I may sound as well, I think I'm somewhat smarter than her... but I'm not saying that I'm a better person.
and I don't know. it was really annoying... so secretly, I enjoyed it whenever I did better than her, but there's not much for me to compare with her because I went to a middle school with a lot of opportunities and she recently moved from Korea... (what's really interesting is that she spoke english really well for someone who came recently lol) so I take more advanced courses.
like in one of my classes, when I was asking the teacher about my paper, he started commenting on stuff and how it was very long lol and wordy and I think she was next to me at that time. the next day she would start bragging about how the teacher told her her thesis was 'really good' lol. and in the end, I ended up doing better than her on that essay by like a whole grade.
but I never said anything to her lol didn't want to make our relationship as friends awkward and all that. I can put up with her being like that I guess... but ah so.. irritating.
I mean she's not like that alll the time, but when it comes to academic stuff, she loves to rub stuff in my face.
not to mention her bffl who does the same to me but.. ah that's another story -0-;
and I think you're being a better friend to your friend Jay than Jay being a good friend to you. (ahh not sure if that made sense)
because you congratulated her and all that. but she doesn't seem to give a crap for your happiness and accomplishments.
and I feel sorry for what happened to you between your friends. and I can't believe that Cee girl totally stabbed you in the back. that made me angry for some reason. I'm pretty sure you can find better friends that you could trust and won't feel so put down in a way.
and you being arrogant.. it's not that bad lol you weren't being like Jay on the outside. lol
Answer:
I am sorry to say this, but you seem very cocky.
Ehh, I don't have anything more to say. I have a friend like you, who's always trying to be better than everyone else in academics.
Yeah I have a friend like that too. She always wants to be better then everyone else in academics and when someone comes up to her and tells her they got a better grade then her she would be like So what? Just because u got one grade better then me doesn't mean your the BEST! Yeah she is smart but she is really competitive when it comes to acedemics.
Answer:
I'd find new friends if I were you.
Answer:
WHAT??? I think you need to look in the mirror and contemplate before you talk about your friends. How about stop being so competitive. How about just do your best. You sound so immature, full of vain, full of pride, full of me me me.
